'Pharpsy pants'

I started to write this post on 10th July 2017 direct from the newly refurbished Chemo suite and the rather comfortable electric reclining chair that all our fundraising adventures contributed towards the last time around … a job well done…. Thanks guys!

        Link for opening article

It's taken until now to pull this post together and this is purely down to CBA reasons! Writing down my experiences remains such a helpful process for me,  but translating my thoughts and experiences into 'interesting'  bite sized chunks is a lot easier said than done when experiencing general feelings of malaise ... and when it isn't 'flowing it 'aint' happening'.... my mind is exploding with things to write and this is where I have got to;

The treatment 

So, following an echo cardiogram and PCA (pre chemo assessment), the first lot of 'targeted'  treatment went a head on 10th July 2017. I was given Herceptin and Pertuzumab intravenously and was at the hospital for most of the day for monitoring.  It was a looooooong day, though it seemed to go really quickly with DangeRuss for company and time filled with card games and a take away from Dreams Coffee Shop. Yum ! 

The chemo nurse recognised me and remembered my hair dares from the  last time around and the familiarity I felt certainly took the edge from affairs. I felt glad that I had decided to return to Northampton General Hospital  for treatment despite my move to the Kettering area.

I was back at the hospital the next day with my newly wed friend, Ruth, and this time for the Docetaxol chemotherapy treatment. We were in and out within 2 hours and quite literally it felt like an 'ordinary' catch up between friends although I could feel the significance of the event in Ruth's exemplary care and concern for me.

post chemo breakfast treat and Cath up with Caroline

The side effects 

The fatigue, tiredness and taste changes were the first of the side effects to take a hold, almost immediately, although it is quite possible that some restless, anxious nights and  busy day's contributed to the overall feeling of lethargy.  I slept a lot for the first few day's and as symptoms developed around  day 4 and 5, I have relied on pain relief  to manage the  'sledge hammer' force pain in my ribs and skull.  I remember this from the last time and thankfully it is all manageable with the concoction of medications provided by the hospital. 

There is already some 'chemo fog';  with some slow processing of information and I'm frustratingly struggling to grasp the words I want to say….. general ditziness really. I don't think I fully recovered from the first time around, though never before now, have I poured fairy washing up liquid in the laundry detergent 'thingy' for my washing machine! I really didn't need to admit that …there were no witnesses! 

I'm sure Danny will be keen to tell me 'no change there' then and remind me of similar faux pas, so I shall give him a preemptive  'kick up the but' for his cheek when I see him !

Then there is the blurry vision, I certainly didn't experience this the last time…. even with my prescription glasses, I have struggled to focus my eyes at times, but this is nothing compared to the more embarrassing 'abdominal' symptoms that have found their way into my life …………… I will leave the detail to the imagination but 'DangeRuss' captured the general theme of things in a recent remark…

'How can someone so beautiful, smell so bad!' 

Seriously though this IS 'a thing' when you're on chemo, so I shall allow myself some guilt free 'chemo pharpsing' and hope my dignity survives this round of chemo ....Those nearest and dearest will  be relieved to know, that this only lasts a few days ! I am literally crying with laughter writing about this and thankfully I'm over this 'pharpsing phase' so it really is safe to be around me !

Moving along nicely  now...

I saw myself calling the emergency assessment bay on 16th July for advice after a rash and swelling was emerging from where the cannula from treatment had been on my right hand. 

By the 29th July small blisters had developed requiring a trip to the hospital for assessment and treatment with steroid cream. It seems the chemo is ' an irritant' ( no s#@t Sherlock) and probably leaked a little. I recall making comment after the Docetaxol treatment about the rather heavy handed chemo nurse,  who seemed to 'tear the cannula and dressing' from my hand. Whether this contributed or not to the rash, I do not know, though I can't wait to offer some helpful  'feedback' !

I've lost concentration and done talking about the side effects now! These  are just features of my world at the moment, life does go on and at the moment, this means attending to the  'normal' day to day things and finding as much 'mischief' and sharing as many moments as I can with family and friends, to avoid feeling 'lost and left behind'. 

Pre chemo family mischief

'Hot Spots' and treatment plan

I have somewhat dusted my self off since my last post and I am pleased to say, some emotional balance is restored. I have had some fabulous messages of care and concern that have been cheer leading me along …. though, I really didn't mean to worry anyone and have felt a little embarrassed to be honest.

You see, what I omitted in my last post, and I am able to best assure everyone, now that the dust has settled, is that I remain stedfast in positivity. Yes…..the cancer diagnosis has blown my mind and for the time being, an undercurrent of sadness has established itself  my world, but this does not mean that I have lost sight of the wonders in my world and the joy and the happiness around me.

This I guess is what being human  and life is all about….. where sadness and happiness as seemingly incompatible emotional states can co exists …. where one emotional state can dominate over the other at times, and as it has done for me recently; set me off balance.

It's quite logical that I experience 'sadness' as I begin to re focus the direction of my long term hopes and dreams. But rest assured this year IS already being defined by immense joy; I will just have to 'know', that my emotions will fluctuate and this may happen in a 'nano second' when I become frighted or overwhelmed.  I'm assured by the ladies in the 'living with secondary cancer' group within  the Young Breast Cancer Network site (YBCN), that this is all part of the process and that this will get easier as time goes on…. This seems all the more doable with the presence of many cheerleaders that have spared a word and a thought for me, to whom I owe a debt of gratitude.

Having unintentionally gone out of my comfort zone and exposed the vulnerable me, I funnily enough, found it to have been a relief , and so I'm glad I 'kept it real'.

'Anyhow' (said in a 'Gill Shipman' like Scottish accent), apologies for the emotional waffle, the point of this post was actually to update you on the medical stuff, so without further ado…..

The results

I met with the Registrar (I cant remember his name) on 20th June and saw him alone initially whilst I learnt  the results of my CT PET Scan. Danny, Sue; my XMIL and Russ  came to the appointment with me,  however I had decided  before hand that I wanted to hear  news of the results first. I was glad I did…… the news was the best that it could be, but that time alone with the Registrar allowed me to 'tune in' to the news and 'tune out' of others.

So, I learnt that I have several 'hot spots' (malignant lymph nodes) in my 1) right and left Supraclavicular area ( left and right collar bone), 2) left axilla (arm pit) and 3) left groin. It seems the one in the groin is unusual, and the Registrar seemed happy that I had already had my ovaries removed! 

The Registrar went through my results with me using a written report and he happily logged into the images when I expressed  curiosity about them. 

There was certainly some 'Scanxiety' leading up to the appointment, so much so that I booked myself and my XMIL last minute tickets to see Celine Dion at the O2 for the evening of the appointment, hoping that it would 'void out' what ever news I had. I know I do this a lot ..... always have done; to find  something that stops oneself from being paralysed by the challenges of life and why not....it's my way and it's worked for me so far ! 

With HUGE relief I was told that there was no sign that the cancer had spread to any other areas of my body and for that, I felt I had won the lottery and making Celine Dion a special memory making moment with my XMIL!

And while we are at it… although side tracking somewhat ; there were some more 'joie de vivre' and 'sugar coating the crap' moments ' at Royal Ascot this year at Ladies day!

Ok, so back to business…

The prognosis

I broached the 'prognosis' question, and to be honest I was initially a little frustrated that there wasn't a number given in terms of years of life…..I think I just wanted to be able to 'plan', you know; life, finances, work and well…..'stuff', but alas, it seems that this all relies on how my body responds to the treatment.

The Registrar explained that ladies can live several years and told me of a lady in the clinic that day that has been stable on Herceptin treatment after 10 years. I found this reassuring and have decided that this will be me….right!?…

I am also acutely aware that other ladies are not so lucky as the Registrar confirmed, so the focus shall have to be on the quality of my life…not the years.

How I feel about this: To articulate my feelings exactly, I'm stealing the words of Lesley Graham, who lost her life to breast cancer but not before campaigning for NHS availability of cancer drug Kadcyla 

 "living with cancer is like someone pulling the pin out of a hand grenade and forcing you to swallow it. The grenade might go off, it might never go off, or it might go off in the next 10 minutes"

mmmm……

The treatment plan

Well, with Danny, XMIL and Russ in the room….oh and Kath the BCN , the Registrar told us all that the treatment plan will start with 6 cycles of docetaxel chemotherapy which will be administered intravenously every 3 weeks.  This is aimed at getting rid of the known 'hot spots' and preventing the spread of the cancer.

I will also be given Herceptin and Pertuzumab which are targeted therapies and I will be on this combination every 3 weeks for as long as it continues to keep the cancer cells from spreading.  The Registrar has to make an application to the drugs fund for Pertuzumab as this is not standardly available on NHS.

Contrary to what I was originally told, I was advised that radiotherapy was not part of the plan, and this is because of the amount of 'hot spots' there are. Radiotherapy may be an option in the future.

I am booked for an echocardiogram on 4th July and a Pre Chemo Assessment(PCA) on 5th July 2017. The chemo will then all begin on 10th and 11th July, it will be the start of a life time of treatment for me and I will be scanned regularly to check how treatments working.

I had docetaxel x3 the last time around and am familiar with it's side effects. I hope to tolerate this as well as I did last time…… I will lose my hair again, a necessary evil, never the less it is not something I am looking forward to.  

I have been pondering over using the cold cap to try and prevent hair loss. I may not be eligible for this, but anyway on balance I'm not sure it's the right way to go for me anyway.

I also had Herceptin the last time around and these side effects were more doable, although  these will now be long term and I will be motored via echocardiograms for known heart related side effects. 

Suffice to say I have a busy few months ahead of me but finally glad that 'the show is on the road'

In the mean time I will leave you with this article posted by my SIL on FB. Thanks Susan, it speaks volumes and worthy read  if you know someone close affected by cancer.  

click link : What your friends with cancer want you to know but are afraid to say

'The Wonderful World of Haribo'

Well, I've been back from Barbados for over a week now and 'WOWZER', I had such an amazing time. I have totally fallen in love with the Island, just like Ruth and Trevor said I would, and most importantly I got to watch two of my favourite people get married.

Seeing Ruth so happy was priceless and I feel so blessed that I was part of her special day. I really have come away enriched with wonderful memories and new friendships. lucky me I say!

Holiday jovialities and mischief never quite gave the 'elephant in my head' a break from thoughts of cancer, pending tests,results, treatments and more significantly my prognosis, all the same,  never enough to disrupt the memory making and merriments of the holiday.

However, within days of my return, I came back down to earth with an almighty emotional crash, having become overwhelmed with feelings of powerlessness.  I'm deliberately being cryptic about this, but suffice to say I am experiencing some sadness at the moment about cancer and what it has, is, may take away from me.

I 'don't do' sad and I certainly don't plan  to linger  in my sadness for long if I can help it, but there again I've never before been given an incurable, life limiting diagnosis, so  recognise that I need to explore this with someone, a professional that can help me work through it and I have arranged for this to happen via Macmillan.

There is, otherwise only a couple of medical updates to report; I received the results about my HER2
status and this is positive. This means I may benefit from recent advances in cancer treatment. I have
an appointment with the oncologist on 20th June, where I will learn; the outcome of the CT PET scan I had on 9th June and my treatment plan.

The Letrizole medication that I changed to recently has given me some side effects that I am learning to manage and live with. This includes some hair loss, I have plenty of hair for the time being, so this is not noticeable, but the shower drain and the Dyson are taking a  'bashing'. The bloating is uncomfortable   and head aches are niggly. I'm also experiencing restless nights, increased  tiredness, fatigue and some weakness, though one wonders if there is an emotional element here.

I have taken a further  two weeks of annual leave from work , whilst I find out where the land lies in
terms of treatment. I will be able to make some decisions about work after my appointment,
something that is also actively circling my thoughts.

I am naturally anxious about the CT PET scan results. I am all out of educated guesses about the results  and what to expect. But hey, It is what it is and I will deal with it;  It just  seems so long since I found out that my cancer had spread, and am keen for it all to gather  some momentum now.

I have been dealing with medical hiatus by escaping into 'The Wonderful World of Haribo' with my secret stash of 'Tangfastic stixx' and eating my emotions.

Not that this is the most nutritious, but never the less it has  also been helpful in weaning me off the rum punch, happy hour cocktails in the'Wonderful world of Barbados'. lol!

'Brace Brace Brace'

So, I made it to Barbados and knew the decision to come was  the  best , when I was met at the airport by the Ruth & Trevor and was surrounded by their comforting friendship ! 

I had a crazy run up to the holiday with the winding up of work matters  and appointments. I quite literally threw my holiday packing together at the last minute and on DIL's orders I have done well 'so far' in leaving the 'metaphorical' baggage behind! 

I'm still waiting for an oncology appointment and to be honest I feel rather frustrated with the poor communication between departments at the hospital,  that has meant I have come away with lose ends that are playing on my mind a little ! I'm glad to say that I have left the chasing to my XMIL and hope to have a date soon to settle my mind. 

The CT PET scan has now been booked for 9th June and I am lucky enough to have people fighting over who is going with me , so I know I'll be well supported ! 

I have settled into the Barbadian life quite nicely and have been thankful of the opportunity to catch my breath and reflect over the last few weeks and try and make sense  of this crazy world of mine! 

So, as promised, the events that lead the re diagnosis is as follows; 

It was rather an incidental find during a normal weekday morning on 11th April 2017 , I certainly  wasn't looking for anything. I had somewhat moved away from any thought of a reoccurrence and whilst I still experience fatigue , I had been feeling quite invincible actually!

So ,  I was in bed at the time and the position of my arm and neck seemed to expose a lump in the very moment that my fingers were near, so I could quite clearly feel it. I couldn't see it and for sure it could not be felt when I was in  the sitting or standing position unless I dug around! 

The original cancer had  affected the left boob so having a lump on the right side confused me , however my intuition placed all of my senses on high alert 

I felt sucked into a slip steam  of thoughts, with every eventuality playing out in fine detail in my mind.  Always hoping for the best but bracing my self for the worst. 

There have been some occasions over the last couple of years where I have checked out some symptoms with my GP and consultant and undergone some tests . I approached these with rational insight and had correctly satisfied myself that these were symptoms of treatment and not a recurrence.

Don't get me wrong, each time each symptom and each test played heavy on my mind , however the emergence of this lump somehow felt very different. 

I waited the Easter bank holiday weekend and after booking  myself in with the GP on 18th April 2017, I was immediately referred to the two week wait clinic at Northampton General Hospital. 

The GP told me he wasn't overly concerned, but referred me because of my history. 

When I called the appointment line for NGH , I was told to contact Integrated Surgery Dpt. directly as there were no appointments available. Starved of sleep, with the worst playing over and over in my mind, I was far from impressed when told by the hospital that they were short of staff and unable to give me an appointment. To cut a very long story short, with persistence I was given an appointment for the 26th April 2017. 

I was given the option of waiting for an appointment with Mr Dawson , my original surgeon , however  I chose to be seen by Dr Milanowski, as I could see him within a week of my GP appointment. Being seen within the week is pretty good going, but only achieved through some persistence. Goodness only knows when I would have been seen if I had sat back and waited.

So, I met the rather 'interesting' Dr Milanowski for my initial screening.  By this time I had noticed another smaller lump in my neck and pointed these out to Dr M. He didn't seem overly concerned and said it was 'not usual' to have lymphnode spread  on my right side if the original cancer site was on my left ! 

I had googled away before my appointment and this was not a surprise to me, but I knew that if something sinister 'was' lurking in that node, that this would mean the cancer was not a 'local' (curable) spread but had 'advanced' (treatable but not curable)

I also showed Dr M some changes to my reconstructed boob. There was some swelling and pitting  and he seemed sure this was necrotic tissue from the surgery, however the  ultrasound showed no such concerns. 

The mammogram of the 'perfect boob' also showed no concern and the ultrasound of my neck/collar bone picked up several slightly swollen nodes and the one in the crease of my collar bone measured 8mm. 

The radiographer explained the images on the screen throughout the procedure and whilst the 'nodes were within 'normal' parameters she noted that they looked solid. (not good) . She took a fine needle aspiration of the 'node guided by the ultrasound. The radiographer wasn't the chattiest, however when asked she told me the fluid drawn, was 'cloudy', but she could not be coaxed into what this meant. I already knew that if it was from a harmless infection the fluid would be clear! Eeeek! 

The radiographer wasn't  trained for the 'supraclavicular' / neck area and she  suggested that I would need to be seen by one of her colleagues. 

So, Dr M , in summarising the events of the day, told me not to worry and 'seemed' sure it was  an infection. Did he 'seem it' because that was what I wanted to see with all my heart, or because he had cause for genuine reassurance?? 

Mmmm.... I certainly took from him the impression that it was from an infection somewhere in my body. I had been quite well and I was curious to enquire where the infection could be from ... and rather peculiarly,  he asked me whether I was married and carried on to say ; that it could be because I use my arm to 'hit my husband'!! 

Ok, so with a shared look of 'did he really just say that' with Kath, the breast cancer nurse, I accepted his comments as a major collision of language and cultural worlds! 

His intention was clearly to allay my concerns using  comedy, and I came away thinking he was a 'muppet', but thankfully  a 'muppet' that seemed to know what he was doing ! 

My inner child was desperate to embrace and cling to every inch of  the reassurance offered , however with a profound sense of intuition and the jigsaw pieces falling into place, I adopted the 'Brace Brace Brace' position, feeling never more happy at the prospect of an opportunity to  'eat my own words'  and have my intuition proved wrong ! 

Well, I didn't get to 'eat my words' and neither do I feel smug that my intuition played out .... I don't even feel imperious that Dr M 'kinda' had to 'eat his own words'  on 5th May 2017 when he told me, with Russ be my side,  that I had advanced breast cancer. 

Dr M's heavily accented and sometimes broken English language meant that the significance of what he was sharing was mostly lost in translation , but I got the gist ; 'advanced'... 'treatable' ..CT Scan.... chemo... radiotherapy ... neck specialist ... guided biopsy'.

How I felt : devastated, heart broken and desperate to hold my son. 

Mr M's announcement was totally lost on Russ (more about Russ soon!) and he only realised the seriousness of what was being said by the swell of tears in my eyes and Kath's look of concern. That guy was clearly struggling with the news, but prioritised me in those moments. 

When asked whether  I had any questions, my immediate voice was for my son and daughter in law and how I could possibly put them through this again ! I was told that praying was a good option by Mr M! That goes without saying, though not quite what I expected a Dr to say in that moment, but probably another thing lost in translation . 

I left the the appointment feeling totally bewildered and knowing  the next step was seeing a neck specialist who was to take a guided biopsy of the node. 

So there you have it .. all up to date now and a rather cathartic process for me. 

Metastatic breast cancer

I was seen on 18th May 2017 by the most marvellous Mr Khan and he wasn't phased at all by my 4 piece cheerleading entourage ! 

Home made, quilting 'Cheerleading' gift from Julia xx thank you 

Danny, XDIL, XFIL and DangeRuss were eagerly by my side , however there  was no surprising news from Mr Khan; he confirmed my CT scans showed no concerns and told me that I am to have a CT PET scan that aims to  picks up more detail about what's going on in my body. So I'm awaiting an appointment for this.

Mr Khans honesty and turn of words was refreshing,  he confirmed that because of the location of the infected lymphnode , that  I have 'distant' metastasis and that the cancer is no longer curable but very assuringly treatable.  Mr Khan was keen to explain that with new treatments coming though , that ladies can live for many years with advanced breast cancer , and this is of course my plan ! 

How I'm feeling about this? :  Disoriented 

Because of the  location of the 'cancer party' in my lymphnode it would suggest that the cancer has spread elsewhere and it will be the CT PET scan that could trace where if any, 'micro met' cancer cells might be lurking . I'm told that they do not routinely do this as it is an expensive procedure , however  it seems necessary in my case and I'm  feeling thankful that the NHS is looking out for me!

The biopsy confirmed that there is breast cancer cells in the supracavicular lymphnode and that they are oestrogen receptor positive.  The HER2 results from the biopsy  are still outstanding, and this will influence the treatment  regime that  I will have. Mr Khan and I are hoping that I am positive for the  HER2 protein, as there are some new and excellent 'targeted treatments' available to help blast the pesky cell into remission!

My treatment has also

included a change of hormone therapy ; from Tamoxifen to Letrozole. The Tamoxifen I have been taking since 2014 clearly hasn't worked and gave me some side effects that required treatment for polyps earlier this year . It seems Letrozole is more in keeping with ladies that are post menopausal in any event, and I have high hopes that this will help... I'm summoning the power of positive thinking, so let's have a high five for Letrozole!! 

Systemic therapy' i.e. chemotherapy is also part of the plan as is  radiotherapy. I am now waiting for an appointment with Dr Knighton in oncology to give me more details. Whilst I have completed this kind of treatment before, this is in a whole different league and the start of a life time of treatment for me!

I'm not saying that I'll be in chemo for life but my new reality is that my treatment will never be over, and that I will be relying on treatments to manage this very unsolicited cancer party in my body! 

How I feel about this; it's been a bit of an emotional overload to be honest , but it is what it is and  ' I got this'

Funnily enough, I have just received an invitation from Northampton General Hospital to the opening of their new chemo suite on 6th June 2017, because of the fundraising 'we' did for them through the 'hair dares' adventures of 2014. So, with some sweet irony, It seems I will get to directly experience the new and improved chemo suite ! 

Surgery to remove the lymphnode was put forward by locum consultant Mr Milanowski , however Mr Khan explained that the research available would suggest this would have  no particular benefit and not at all in keeping with practice.  To have 2 conflicting thoughts about this, has probably not been the most helpful to me, however I feel in safe hands with Mr Khan's assessment and some pre appointment googling has made me feel satisfied with surgery not being part of the plan.  

A vital component of my 'treatment' plan is of course my support network. There's research that suggests that social isolation may lead to poor survival rates in breast cancer patients. I know I'm already blessed with an army of cheerleaders, and know I have to be open to the support that sometimes I struggle to accept . 

So, Kath, the breast care nurse has been tasked to coordinate and chase appointments for me and it seems that I will be referred to the metastatic breast care nurse , a new service offered by NGH!

And now for the good news !!

I get to go to my friends wedding in Barbados next week !! Yay! 

When I asked Mr Khan about this, he told me that the cancer in itself would not be an issue , but with a cancer diagnosis I am a high risk of blood clots during flight. It really did sound as if he was advising against it, though said there were steps I could take to reduce this. I finally  got what I needed to make a decision about the holiday, when I acknowledged his duty to inform me of the risks, and asked what his advice would be if his wife was in the same situation . So it seems the benefits out weigh the risks and I'm off to Barbados . Happy days !

Cheerleaders!

So, you now know what I know on a medical front. On an emotional level, I can't quite find the right words to translate what's going on in my head at the moment, but know this ; Every fibre in my body is braced  to kick some cancer  'ass' .

The 'elephant in my head'

I'm pleased to report that my  F.U Cancer Cheerleading Squad is growing nicely and I have been overwhelmed by the encouraging  'Pom Pom shakes' so far !! Thank you !

A cheerleading message from Spain, thank you Elizabeth!

I went for the CT scan on Tuesday 9th May with chief cheerleader, Becky, my DIL. This seemed all pretty routine and the scan itself was over and done with no time. There was only three attempts at inserting a cannula in my arm/hand for the procedure and luckily I quite liked the taste of the aniseed flavoured  concoction I had to drink over an hour period before hand.

I wasn't supposed to get the results of the CT scan until 18th May ,however when I went for the guided biopsy procedure on 12th May with Dr Moss, I took the opportunity to enquire about the results when he told me he had reviewed them . Dr Moss was absolutely 'amazing' with me and told me that the CT scan indicated no concerns relating to my internal organs .

What a relief !!!!! My friend Mary who was on cheerleading duties with me that day couldn't contain her 'relief' and was 'whooping' all the way back home!

I do reserve some caution though, because my original cancer had been occult and was undetected via CT, MRI or mammogram, and so I have questions prepared about this for my appointment with consultant, Mr Khan on 18th May , where I expect to receive the results officially.

Dr Moss' charm and professionalism meant that the guided biopsy procedure went  without any drama. He used ultrasound to locate the lump I had found  in the crease of my right collar bone, aka supraclavicular lymphnode. The area was numbed with a couple on injections and two samples were taken. It was only the 'trigger sound' each time that caused my toes to curl!

Dr Moss told me that he saw a few lymphnodes during the ultrasound and that the biggest one, the one that I had noticed was 8mm in size.  Apparently this is within normal parameters and would not necessarily have raised concern had it not been for my history. In 2013, I had been told the same and we all know what that led to!

The black blob on the screen is the pesky lymphnode! 

So that's all the tests for now and I am now keen to see Mr Khan with my list of questions.

I also aim to find out whether I can go to the wedding of my dear friends , Ruth and Trevor in Barbados. I'm  due to fly out on 24th May , however all the holiday preparations are on hold until 18th May. Fingers crossed  x 

Love you guys x 

How I feel today: Keen to get the 'show on the road'. Lots of wonderful and exciting things happening this year! 

I've been existing in a pretty surreal world since I was re diagnosed. I remain at work and had been aiming to maintain a business as usual approach  in my professional life , but last week I admitted defeat when the 'elephant in my head' was just not letting me concentrate enough to hold it all together whilst balancing work, the emotional fall out and attending hospital appointments.

I clearly underestimated the impact the news would have on me and I have since been focussing on winding up my work and have had to rely on my colleagues to cover some of my responsibilities this week. Luckily I have a planned period of holiday leave next week which will give me a chance to catch my breath and make further plans about work and life when I know what my  treatment plan is!

I'll be catching you up shortly on events that led to the re diagnosis and will be sure to update you following my appointment. 

Cheerleaders

There's certainly  no 'sugar coating' in me for today's update; the 'pesky cell' is back. 

How I feel today; Angry and very determined! 

I've spent the last couple of days letting my nearest and dearest know and having found myself repeating the story and then forgetting what details I've shared and with who, I have decided to use my blog again to keep updated, those minded to follow my story. 

I'll recap on events and provide more details in future posts, but for now I am due to have a  CT scan on 9th May and a guided biopsy procedure on 22th May and the results will pave the way for the next chapter of my rather eventful story. 

I sure have been feeling 'the love' from those that have been learning of my news. People have been super keen to know how they may help and so what I have asked for and need at the moment  my lovely friends are some 'cheerleaders' , ready to furnish me with  encouragement as I prepare to pick a determined fight with this rather persistent pesky cell.