Christmas Blessings !

With Christmas catch ups and gatherings well underway; those  sentimental, warm, fluffy, fuzzy 'Christmas movie' feeling's have made a seasonal appearance. I'm such a Christmas romantic and make no apologies!! Ho Ho Ho! 

                            Christmas catch ups 

Moments like these in my 2013/2014 calendar is what has prevented me from wishing away the last year and rushing to the next ...

I'm sure I'd be forgiven for wanting to see the back of 2014, after all #cancer is a tragic story, however I am NOT cancer and it has been the way 'the tragedy' has been played and the special times, that has defined me and my life in 2014.

      Birthday and house warming do!

My birthday booby cake ( thank you to the very talented Jess)

There'll  be no wishing away of time and no projecting ones mind into the future ... That would just distract me from experiencing my 'now' ... And that's a pretty good place to be... in spite of it's challenges (Yes, Di, the party in my head is still going!)

I have found myself almost trying to convince some well wishers that I AM OK, when care and concern has been expressed about impact of  the toils of the last year.

It has been/is tough but 'Ok' is just  the right word, for to expect anymore would be unrealistic given I have had cancer and my relationship ended. It has been/is OK because those things, have/can be ameliorated by the blessings of my life and the love, care and concern I have felt from well wishers!

With Our minds conditioned with traditional thoughts of 'fresh' starts and new years resolutions, I see this through another dimension this year.

There is no ending or new beginning really, my story is ever evolving and I shall start each day with 'bite size' resolutions to see me through the challenges of next year, whilst firmly focusing on the hopes and dreams that 2015 holds for me. 

It's gonna be pretty tough to beat some of the  fund-raising and 'modelling' accomplishments of 2014, but watch me try ! Lol!

My pic in Red Magazine Christmas edition...and Poster spotted by Emily Ingram! 

My final Christmas message is one of thanks and gratitude to all the family and friends, new and old, who have supported me this year.  I really could not have got to where I am today with such 'sparkle' without you all, and I wish you all a very merry Christmas  and a most excellent 2015! 

Those pesky Tamoxifen pounds!

My post surgery / treatment ‘tush’ has finally found itself right back to the gym after 13 months and after gym induction, the other day, I now have myself a steady exercise plan that will not only keep those extra Tamoxifen pounds at bay, strengthen, tone but satisfy Dr Varmas orders against loosing weight!

My mind boggling with Dr Varmas’ advice; ‘don’t lose weight’, when in fact my BMI indicates I should probably be losing   weight, Dr Knighton’s warning  to watch for the Tamoxifen pounds and research telling me that a healthy weight and exercising regularly reduces chance of breast cancer reoccurrence..... I had been keen to sort my fitness routine out for a while, but balancing that has been tough with my house move and return to work. Pleased that those affairs are largely on track, I had no excuse but to take action!

As a returning member of Balance Gym the familiarity helped me make my way through that door, after a self imposed impasse about my way back to fitness!

I suspect that I could have been more active than I was this last year. I have read about some women that have been very active during treatment, but from a position of reflection, I have decided that everyone’s story is different and see that I did my best with the distractions of my 'cancer' year...there's no time in my life for 'should haves' anymore ...' Today is what counts, the most empowering day of our lives! 

So, Chris, the very personable, Personal Trainer duly took me though a health check and my goals.... I wasn’t quite sure how to tell him that I didn’t want to lose tummy fat as I was harvesting my new boob on my belly.....so I didn’t, and spared the young man the embarrassment of such details, never the less when I explained my needs, that I wanted to improve movement in my left arm,strengthen and improve tone, without losing fat on my tummy...he understood and promptly came up with a plan for me.

The irony was not lost on Chris, when he advised me to increase my food intake as I increase my activity levels;‘healthy carb’s’ he said! It wasn’t quite the advice he usually gave, but he seemed to understand exactly what I wanted to achieve and made sure that the plan took into account some post treatment fatigue and my recent return to work.

I have been given a mixture of cardio and strength exercises and all in all a great job from Chris... With a review due in the new year, my fitness plan will evolve with me....so I’m on my merry way to achieving  some 'semblance’ of my pre diagnosis condition, but steady I go as per Dr Knighton’s orders!

Apart from the traditional benefits of regular exercise, it has a critical role to play in the prevention of breast cancer and it’s reoccurrence and as such it HAS to be a long term lifestyle choice for me!

Check out the #Breakthrough Breast cancer site for research and more importantly lots of info and ideas to ‘Raise your pulse, reduce your risk’

I’m hoping to feel the benefit of my exercise program by the time I hit the ski slopes in January, I suspect I’ve left it too late this year to be fit enough to storm the slopes like the maniac l used to be..but hey, I’m glad to be back in action after breast cancer interrupted my ski season last year! 

Make today the most empowering day of your life x

#Inspiration Awards for Women

Having failed miserably in my blogging duties after the Inspiration Awards for Women, the time has come to redeem myself…. It has been over 8 weeks since the Ceremony on 2nd October, but fear not, this post, in part has been in draft and the experience in all it's glory has been imprinted in my mind as a most special, empowering occasion, and I'm determined to do it justice in my narrative!

Jackie, my plus one, is a friend that I reconnected with since the start of my 'perfect boob' adventures and we came together for the first time in at least 6 years for this event, so a pretty significant occasion for that reason too!!

A blast from the past!

There was never any doubt, but I'm pleased to say that even after all that time, Jackie and I soon revitalised our friendship over a meal at French restaurant before getting ready for mischief at the Awards!

My outfit of choice, was my 'feel good' dress, that I wore last year to a Breast Cancer awareness ball, before I was even diagnosed. I'm so pleased that the dress was still suitable, as the neck line of a lot of my clothes, bought before diagnosis, betrays in someway the missing boob!

Team Kemp gave me the confidence to set aside my wigs, and since Jamaica I have unleashed the new   'wigless' me, however with a remaining twinge of  uncertainty and in search of some glamour, 'Kiara Beau' (wig) accompanied me to the awards that night.

Jackie looked truly amazing in her…'car boot  bargain top' showing us that glamour really doesn't have to cost a fortune.

Don't we scrub up well!

Feeling revived from Jamaica and all renewed with confidence in my post treatment appearance, we  arrived excitedly at Cadogan Hall, full of anticipation of a great evening and we were not disappointed.

We met up with Kreena and her friend, before making our way into the reception area, for 'Pink Champagne' and settling to watch guests arrive. It wasn't long before we were overcome (lol) with  a flurry of 'cloaked'  school girl excitement as we both saw someone we recognised from TV!! ha ha !!

Both Jackie and I couldn't remember 'his' name.  I blame the chemo side effects, not sure what Jackie's excuse is (lol)…. anyway  not wanting to miss the opportunity before me, I  approached 'him', asked 'may I' in my posh voice before positioning myself right beside him, whilst Jackie quickly took a photo … the truth is I don't think he really had a choice, but he acquiesced regardless and don't we look the sweet couple!! Ha ha!

After issuing a 'name SOS' on Facebook, we soon learnt that 'he' was in fact Ray Quinn!!!…. (Thanks AnnMarie ). Feeling rather relieved that I didn't call him Gareth Gates, the first name that came to mind, we were more prepared for our next encounters with the very personable #Vanessa #Feltz and charismatic #Louie Spence. Yay!

The event was attended by people from all walks of life… from the mere blogger like moi, Doctors, Students, Teachers, Mothers to TV and sports personalities…..The evening flowed beautifully with minglings made easy by the very thing we were brought together to celebrate; women and the power of inspiration.  

As if that wasn't enough, the evening was enhanced by some fundraising enterprises  for The #Breakthrough Breast Cancer Charity, a subject close to my heart!   How's about signing up for their #Stop Breast Cancer For Good campaign by using the link…?? I proudly wear the pin I received for doing just that !!   

Sign up and get your badge

The awards ceremony itself, was presented by #AndrewCastle and Sarah-Jane Mee; check out the link for   the Inspiration Award Winners  of 2014 and official photos in the gallery.

All of us inspirational in our own way…..and inspired by each other that evening,  I for certain left the awards eager to inspire further!! The night went far beyond the individuals that received the awards…the effect  of hearing such #inspirational stories and accomplishments was positively infectious!!! 

Mingling with award winners; Sports inspiration #Jo Pavey  and Jacquie #Beltrao,  News Presenter affected by breast cancer 

A massive congratulations to Jo Pavey who received another award on 3rd December;  Pride of Sport award… I feel honoured to have met her and inspired!

Another highlight of the evening was meeting 'Miss December' aka Denise…..from the #BodyConfidence Calendar…!!! By way of supporting  Breakthrough Breast Cancer I had already bought the calendar before attending the event unbeknown to me that I would be 'bumping into'  Miss December herself, whist she was selling the calendars at the event!! Lol …. Unfortunately I  didn't have my calendar on me , so I didn't get her autograph!! 

Calendar girl meets #warpaint4life girls!

ALL the profits from the Calendar go to the charity, so if you are stuck for a Christmas prezzy …follow the link and do your stuff !(£10.56 + £4 postage)

Click here and get yours!!!!

So, they say time flies when your having fun and indeed it was and indeed it did….. Our evening ended with a night cap outside a local bistro and a stroll back to our  hotel…but the excitement didn't quite end there …

#Ray Quinn and his friend, 'rapturously gallivanted' by us at the Bistro. The friend came over, paid a 'compliment' and hugged me!….. They both seemed in fine 'spirits' as they went on their 'merry' way!! 

Our search for 'midnight' nibbles, then took us into a local store, where we also picked up the November copy of #Woman and Home Magazine, and there it was; a brilliant double spread feature on #Look Good Feel Better , including an appearance from yours truly!

The icing on the cake for me that evening was my very own inspiration 'Award' from Jackie;

Thank You Jackie

Go and Inspire! 

Project Boob - Take 2

I'm settling nicely into my 'new' normal, my home, my work and finally I'm pleased to be taking sometime to step back, catch my breath and reflect on recent 'medical' events. 

It's been nice in a way to have a main focus away from medical issues, however I have had a number of medical appointments during my house move and transition back to work, which have needed more attention than I was able to give them.…... but hey I survived to 'blog about' it lol …and that is just the reality for me right now… I'm absolutely shattered, however with the help of some rather excellent friends and family, I am withstanding the associated physical and emotional demands of a house move and return to work … What I have learnt, though,  is  how easy it has been to overlook my health needs, when faced with other life demands and know I will need to keep check on this going forward. I'm pleased to say that the physically demanding period is done with and I'm in an 'enchanted' nesting phase. 

I have found that 'The challenge of cancer does not automatically end when treatment finishes' (Article LINK). I can't just bounce back into my old self, and in composing my post treatment future, I know that the stability I'm securing in my life and my support networks are crucial to it's accolade , even if that stability is sought through making difficult  life changing decisions as I have done  ... Stability means different things to different people, for me it is attending to my basic needs and about the sense peace I have acquired from the direction I have chosen.... and this is what enables me to 'withstand' the challenges along the way!

Anyhow…. as for my medical news; I had been looking forward to my appointment with the plastic surgeon in Leicester for some time and I duly met with Dr Varma at Leicester Royal Infirmary on 12th November 2014, with my XMIL in tow! 

In my mind this appointment was the beginning of an exciting metamorphosis, where  I would be making decisions about my new boobs!….The reality was 'something else', but never the less, after some poking, prodding, weighing and measuring, I was given the 'verdict' and came away with the start of a plan for project Boob!

Dr Varma spoke to me about Diep Flap reconstruction. First and foremost he told me NOT to loose weight …..WTH…… I didn't expect that one!! It seems there' is NOT enough tummy skin and fat to create the same size boob there anyway…… Seriously I was sure there was plenty … but no, it seems the reconstructed boob, could be two sizes smaller than it used to be. I would then have wonky boobs until the reconstructed boob settled , and then my 'perfect boob' would be matched! 

When asked…….and ONLY WHEN I RAISED the issue of my  little pink unicorn tattoo on my knicker line,  did Dr Varma tell me that the tattoo would be transferred to the breast !!! That was said far too causally for my liking….. and I made no attempt to disguise my incredulity at the mere thought, as I set him a challenge to find an alternative way forward …as that clearly was NOT going to happen……!! Sorry my dear XMIL there will not be a 'Boobicorn' ! ha ha !

 I never imagined that this could REALLY happen when I joked  with friends before the appointment, that my tattoo could be transferred to my boob,  but it seems if I don't want this then I need to put weight ON  to create more skin and fat!…. GREAT!!!!!.... 

So I wasn't being facetious after all in a previous post; I literally AM 'harvestin'g' my boob on my belly ! Lol! 

I hadn't prepared myself for the possibility that my boobs may not be the same size as before, and I questioned the options…. I really didn't like hearing that my boobs would be smaller…. I'm sure thats not all really about the size…. just have to come to terms with that, if there is of course no other options and that is to be my reality? …… I will certainly be researching the choices I have before surrendering to the surgeon!! ha ha!

The talk of moving flesh from one part of my body to another was all pretty clinical, and I look forward to my boobs no longer  being the subject of such medical interests and being able to reclaim my body for my very self.  

I'm a little  'gutted'  to be honest, that I can't loose weight...but it's Doctors orders !!...  It just seems there  is to be another delay in recovering my body shape and fitness…… this #breast cancer lark has a lot to answer for… but hey…. work in progress….and progress I'm seeing! I'm still not fully in control, but very much in charge of the decisions that pave the way. 

There was discussion re the prophylactic (LINK) removal of ‘the perfect boob’,  however this depends on the outcome of genetic testing and I should know more about this in December 2014. 

So………..Dr Varma will not take matters further until  my Herceptin treatment is finished in March 2015, It seems that the drug affects healing and it would not be safe to proceed whilst I'm still taking it. I am keen to have the procedure done as soon as possible, but  I'm thankful that the reconstruction has been 'parked' for me because other aspects of my life need attention. 

The appointment didn't offer the promise I had set myself but I'm satisfied that there is a plan and I shall be doing my home work and making sure I attend the next appointment in March 2015 with a clear mind, free from distractions. 

My life  feels like it is one big project management exercize, all is clear to me what needs to be achieved, with no ambiguity  and all thats missing is the spreadsheet and the P. A!!… hold on… my XMIL already fulfils that criteria! 

Back to Work !

Woooo Hoooo!!! ......here I go !! My brain was launched well and truly into gear today on my first day back at work after 13 months!!

It's STILL uncertain where I'm to be based.... So the first week of my phased return involves 2 full days of Strengthening supervision training ....and I was pleased to have been met with some familiar faces when I arrived all keen and raring to go on the first day! 

I absolutely love training opportunities so a very good start for me, although by 2pm I was tiring and my concentration was wavering, so I was employing strategies to keep myself alert... But hey, that's to be expected and largely I seemed able to make 'intellectual' contributions to the days proceedings and  belie the times that I drifted off the planet! 

In fact it all just 'clicked nicely' into place and I easily slipped back into my 'professional mojo' and even though, I was not in an established place of work, it really felt as if I had never been away !!  YAY!

I'm pleased to say that I didn't need the bed, located in the training room for a disco nap, although I did learn that I had not lost the art of pursuasion, when I easily convinced Amelia, that she should pose for a photo on the bed for my blog, but omitting to tell her that it was because I was too embarrassed to pose on the bed myself! Ha ha !! 

My employers have been  really good in the sence that they have let me 'do what I needed to do'  with no undue pressure to return to work before I was well or ready. I'm not so sure they are as 'prepared' as they might have been for my return, causing me some level of anxiety, but today has allayed some of that! 

As per procedure, I had to undergo a work medical assessment and recommendations identified that I needed to be in a work environment free from stress !... That simply does not exist in my social work world which seems to be the subject of deliberations about my role and where I am to be based. 

I'm pleased that my employers are taking their duty of care seriously, however reading a report on ones limitations isn't comfortable.  I accept that there will be some temporary ones, due to the side effects of my treatment, but I simply do not recognise the person that is described in the report, it feels as if it is about someone else that has/had cancer, and I feel a degree of frustration that my constitution and resilience seem to have been over looked. 

Of course I know the report IS about me, that I have to come to terms with some limitations due to fatigue, poor concentration and memory , but it doesn't stop me feeling the way that I do,  seeking to assert control over my life and getting annoyed. But yes, I know my best chance is to pause, listen to others 'in the know' (eg Mandy and Wilkie) and taking care and tempering ones self to start with.... So that is what I shall do......for now! Lol! 

Today has been good one... and I'm on my merry way now, earning a living, working to live and making a difference in a career that I love. Sorted! 

Moving home, moving on

With the tenants FINALLY ( big sigh!) moved from my house on the 4th November, operation 'house move' stepped up a gear and last week was a flurry of activity!  

  Thank you Elaine for your help! 💗

The move was overdue, frustrated by delays with my tenants and affected us both.  Steve in making a head start on 'moving on', threw a climatical and rushed urgency on the move, but I'm pleased to say that having negotiated the clean up and move around several medical appointments we are free from the complicated, but at the time necessary arrangement.

Now time to move away from this part of my life with my head held high and some compassion for where Steve is on his own journey through life. 

We are  both  'on our way' with our fabulous friends and family helping us settle into our new 'normal' and our separate directions!

I'm grateful of our mutual friends, who have remained impartial, but never the less supportive of us both, and made this last 5 months certainly easier for me, as I have been recovering from treatment and planning life overhaul .

                                                        October 2013

November 2014

My home was not quite ready for me  when I moved on 9th November, so I'm spending QT with my big bro, Nick and Vanessa, my SIL for a week, when I shall be taking delivery and making 'essential' purchases of household basics.. all in time for the  next phase of 'life over haul', when I start back to work on 17th November 2014. YAY!

My bro's Nick and Chris (miss him) Vanessa and moi on the day I moved to my house the first time in 2006!

I've been 'officially' fit to return to work since 29th September, and I chose to take some leave due to my pending house move. It is still uncertain where I'm to return to, as there have been a number of changes at NCC since I stopped working, so more exciting revelations  to come!! YAY! 

I have felt quite empowered and never more certain of my direction, but it has probably not been hard to read between the lines and equally there have been times I have felt quite discouraged these last couple of weeks! 

As always,  I have found writting this blog post, in fact written in the days before I moved, recentering; taking me to a position of 'mindfulness' perspective, where it seems to allow my feelings to co exist nicely with my logic.

I happened upon a poem about 'listening' I wanted to share... and whilst not all the words are  necessarily relevant to my story, I have learnt from it's message, more significantly  in terms of my own communication with others, ( I'm a problem solver/fixer!) but also just in case you should meet me and catch me on a 'rambling' day lol!! 

Anyway... Time to get  the show on the road and get this 'party in my head' restarted! 💗

I live my life deliberately

Today is an important. remembering day...a year ago today on 24th October 2013, I received news that I probably always felt I was destined to receive, but never the less, news that shook my whole existence to the core  and changed my life for ever;

The news ?... I have cancer....

I'm a couple of blog posts behind and I shall catch up with these, but this post will be one of reflection and will mark my eternal gratitude for all those that have been with me, in person, in belief and in thought. I simply could not have got through this year with out you .

My year?...very 'eventful'

I left the annihilation of the 'pesky cancer cells' reliably in the hands of the NHS and the team of professionals at NGH and I valiantly took all they could give me ….. A cancer diagnosis goes far beyond the 'physical' treatment and my blog posts over the last year has captured the 'fallout' in a story that unfortunately can be retold by many. 

In true Suzanne fashion, I consciously but unsuspectingly sought purpose and meaning to it all from the start, and this has led me on a number of exciting, terrifying and emotional adventures that has forced me on a journey of self discovery, which has confirmed the person I want to be…ME …just the best of 'me' and thats more than enough.

Whilst I am grateful of my discoveries, cancer would never have been the wake up call I would have chosen. I would much preferred to have remained cancer free and blissfully unaware, to forgo the insights and experiences of my year, and take my chances that with age and maturity, I would have reached the same understanding at some point in my life.

Alas, that isnot to be, and as my only reality, I am grateful and enriched by discoveries, which places  me firmly in the driving seat of my life.

If I encapsulate all that I have learnt this year,  during the highs and lows into one single message to you and my new and future self, it is to;

         'Live your life deliberately'

American Author  Henry David Thoreau, in his famous quote, captured the perfect words and essence of my message over a century before I was even born;

More about the quote

….so not a new concept by all means, the 'message' can be seen out there, packaged differently, ever  evolving for modern consumption in beliefs and practices such as 'mindfulness' , which seems to be emerging rapidly as modern day tool for managing emotions in order to achieve happiness and wellbeing for ourselves.

You will be pleased to know that I have not, nor am I about to 'live in the woods', or about to 'preach' on mindfulness … These are my ponderings…..The thing is, is that,  I naively felt as if I was some sort of pioneer of this message!… so what happened? …. well…something so significant  happened to me…cancer….  and I 'woke up'….the message was there all the time, and having been forced to face my own mortality, I started to take notice of life and decided I would live consciously……So…Yes, still a Pioneer but of my own destiny!

My blog has served me as a bench mark tool,  an unintended consequence, and in perusing back through the posts,  I am relieved to see evidence of living deliberately already. Living 'consciously' is not always easy, things were/are tough and at times I felt/feel lost, but reading back I can see that even through the breakdown of my relationship, the most painful part of my cancer story,  I was always on a forward trajectory.... and still am.

This time next year I will be reflecting on the year that I now have ahead of me …. one that I already know involves moving home and adapting to single life, starting work after a year of absence and undergoing further surgery. I wonder what my year will bring otherwise, and I am excited of the possibilities but equally as apprehensive.

So, I start this next year with only one very 'perfect boob', scars from surgery,  flushes and weight gain from the Tamoxifen, a constant stream of 'snot' from the Herceptin,  short wiry curling hair, random lost finger/toe nails and memory blanks…..apart from making me the catch of the century,  these side effects are serving as a reminder that I'm still work in progress!…and I'm ok with that!

Whilst eternally optimistic I am not unaffected by the possibility that my cancer could come back, a reality that Booby Jo has already had to face. You may recall Booby Jo was a few weeks ahead of me in terms of treatment and it seems barely 3 months after her radiotherapy a local reoccurrence of her breast cancer has been diagnosed. Gutted!

It feels as if cancer is never really 'done with you'….. within the context of my own experiences, at its best it leaves you living with uncertainty and at worst; it returns and as a curve ball,  the medications we are given such as Herceptin that may be saving us from the cancer, may also be damaging our hearts.  This is another reality recently faced by my friend Mary, who now has to take medication as a precaution to combat the effects of Herceptin on her heart.

There is certainly nothing to take for granted, and I shan't, just that I will carry on mindfully.

You will know by now that I like to mark key mile stone moments  in someway and today was no exception, for the occasion was marked by a celebratory lunch and catch up with my good friend Sue.

The celebrations will continue in a couple of weeks time with a night out with friends, including SAM aka Suzanne's Action Man.                  

Chamonix

So…. Sam an action man, was given to me a number of years ago, by friends Darrell and Gill at a time when I was single and travelling alone…Sam went on to accompany me on my holiday's, including Jamaica and Canada. Sam unfortunately took a back seat 5 years ago when Steve came on the scene, but  has since re emerged to resume his rightful place by my side!!  Sam even has his own FaceBook page and 18 friends Lol! 

Snowdon

This year has been incredible in many ways, and in the most for the relationships, familial and otherwise that have developed and strengthened.

On this auspicious anniversary date, I raise my glass and make a toast to the family and friends that have been there for me and to all the blog visitors, who have inspired me to keep on blogging, something I have found cathartic. 

I will of course make a particular mention of my Son and My DIL, whose love and support I have felt unconditionally……and my XMIL and XFIL, who have taken me under their wing and taught me  that it is ok to be vulnerable without giving up the strong independent woman status that I am proud of.

x

'There's a party in my head'

There's a party in my head was a comment I made to The ' Kempsters ' on my first day of my holiday to Jamaica!... Of course why wouldn't there be ? (party in my head) I'm in Jamaica ... But the HAPPY HAPPY feeling went beyond the location, right to the unconditional rewards of great friendships and straight to the core of me!!

After the year I have had Jamaica was my 'job well done' treat!!.. I decided to surprise hijack the holiday of my Australian friend Di and her son's Chris and Jason and his partner Ran! 

Di will take on the rest of this post as a 'guest blogger'; rather brave of me to do that, but it also adds another dimemtion to my story... for reflection! 

Suzanne and I are on holidays in Jamaica, she came here to surprise me and I can't tell you the feelings that overwhelmed me when I saw her!

          Good friends Jamaica 2009

Being so far away from her as she has fought so hard has made me want to jump on a plane many times. The blog has been wonderful but knowing Suzanne, it was clear to read between the lines about what she didn't say at times.

Suzanne's inspiration to others is amazing - I'm not sure that I would have the courage she has shown. 

Her emotions sit just below the surface . I know Suzanne has taken the cancer in her stride, but the Suzanne who first arrived was not the one  I left in the UK in 2009. It seems clear to me that her confidence has taken a beating by how others have placed expectations on her at a time when she has been most vulnerable! 

Suzanne is now free to live her life her way and so the 'party in her head' begins! 

Suzanne, today has laughter that bubbles out, the sad lookin her eyes is now replaced by sparkling beauty, her short hair has enhanced her beauty- if that was possible- and heads have turned in Jamaica! I've lost count of the number of Jamaican men that want her to be their number one! Lol!

Our days have been made special by the likes of Dave Ellis, our waiter who serenaded us at breakfast one morning and  got whole dinning room singing 'one love'!!

Then there was Dwayne, the resort photographer, who on Suzanne's first day at the swim up pool, told her to sit up and show off her nice boobs for a photo! He couldn't understand why we were laughing hysterically when she said no!! Suzanne felt free to see the humour and enjoy it! If you don't find this funny , I'm sorry, but you just had to be there!!

So as the party in her head continues, she will be free to live her life to the fullest and do it her way!

Suzanne, my sons and I love you to bits and celebrate with you finding your way! 

Ya mon! 

Be extraordinary and VOTE for #Inspirational awards for women 2014

You may recall that I have been rewarded with the privilege of attending the Inspirational Awards for women on 2nd October 2014.

Well, I received a lovely email from #IAUK recently, advising me that I had been nominated by a couple of people for an award myself, and whilst I have since learned that I have not been short listed, the nomination itself, and the lovely words written about me is reward enough!  Thank you Jackie and Taymar x

But, I still get to go to the awards….Yay!!….. The nominees have now been announced and having put my votes in already, I feel so excited at the prospect of meeting these most inspirational ladies!!

I'm not sure we celebrate each other enough and I don't know why, because  the actual process of voting gave me such feel good mood boost!!

Being inspired is about feeding from the positive energy of others and giving recognition to the people that have influenced your thoughts and behaviour in life, or any given day or situation feels extraordinary and it's simply infectious…so lets start an epidemic ….…. After you have voted for your inspirational ladies at #IAUK…..go and compliment those around you today that deserve the recognition for a 'job well' done!!

…..And if you receive a compliment, especially my fellow ladies out there…..'TAKE IT' and be transformed by that feeling and go and 'change the world'! ….

'People strive to do more of what brings praise from others' and I know that the 'encouragements' I have received since my diagnosis, have been such a powerful influence in terms of my blog and fund-raising escapades!

#LGFB ICON WALK

My friend Kathy Sanford, a lady I met fleetingly, but have developed a strong connection with, most recently encouraged me on; "You have helped so many Suzanne with taking the terror out of the diagnosis"!!….Can you see the magic that happened there??? …Kathy was inspired and gifted me those words and in turn those words have inspired and encouraged me!!

Voting didn't take me long at all, please take a few moments to take a look at the nominees, vote and motivate extraordinary women  to carry on doing extraordinary things!!

JK Rowling- a personal favourite

The awards will be raising money for #Breakthrough Breast Cancer, and they have just launched their new Stop Breast Cancer for Good, campaign, and their first step is to Demand a Fair Price for Life Extending Drugs!… Take a look and sign up to the campaign!!

Take care of each other ladies and be marvellous!

Project Boob!

It was a Herecptin day for me on Tuesday 2nd September, but the 'highlight' of my medical week was my appointment with Mr Dawson on the 4th September!

I went to the appointment without preparing for the discussion I knew I would be having about the reconstruction of my boob. I did very little research before hand and I had not commited any questions to paper, which is unusual for me, but reflective of busy, inefficient mind wanderings and other preoccupations!

Of course I had questions and thought I could 'wing' it  confidently….but the familiarity of Dr D seemed to draw out the vulnerability within me and I found the appointment to be a somewhat emotional one.

Without the research or my note pad, I certainly felt on a back foot.... even Dr Dawson made comment on my absent note pad! I'm not saying that it would have made me feel any less emotional, but the lack of structure to my thoughts, made me feel disconnected from it all and I didn't get as much out of the appointment as I could have done. Note to self!

Never the less, Mr D negotiated his way beautifully through some 'confused' ramblings and went through the options in terms of reconstruction, and whilst he was certainly not pushing me to make any decisions, I was simply incapable of focussing my thoughts that day on booby matters! 

I looked to Mr D to tell me exactly the route I should take…pretty lazy I know, and as he was talking about 3 options, recovery and risks, as he is duty bound to do, the prospect of a reconstructed boob wasn't as exciting as once it appeared…and all of a sudden I didn't feel so brave! ha!

Despite my lack of preparation I left the appointment feeling that 'Project Boob' had been well and truly launched. Whilst I have yet to make a decision on my recon option, I have been referred to a plastic surgeon at the Leicester Royal Infirmary for a consultation about the DIEP Flap reconstruction, which is favoured as the 'gold star' option for it has the most natural result.

I was also able to talk to Mr D about ongoing screening and the questions I had about reoccurrence. It seems there is no miracle blood test or method to detect reoccurrence in advance of any symptoms. I am left relying on yearly mammograms,  described by Mr D as the most effective way to screen for reoccurrence.

It doesn't feel enough, but I'm realistic and I am happy to live my life with uncertainty,  and it's many opportunities.