Photo shoot!!

I'm so excited…I'm ready to pop!!.

Well… after I saw that 'Look Good Feel Better'  were looking for women to 'star in their next advertising campaign',  of course I was going to put myself forward ….. Anything to raise awareness of the charity and distract from the treatment drudgery!!

All I had to do is send a short biography and a picture of my self, before and after diagnosis and a picture of my hands!

After buzz cut

Budapest New Year 2014 

I had in fact received an email form LGFB last Thursday, letting me know that I hadn't made it into the final 4 ladies . The next day, I sent an email wishing them luck for the campaign and  about an 

hour later I received a telephone call from LGFB asking me if I was still interested in taking part in the campaign!! …eeeerrr YES!!

It seems a lady dropped out at the last minute and so there it is…. I will be taking part in a photo shoot in London on Saturday 5th April with 3 other ladies ! 

The campaign  will be used to raise awareness of the charity in their 20th anniversary year!! 

I knew that  watching 'Americas next top model' would come in handy!! Tyra Banks' tips will surely help…I hope!!! I have been  practising my 'smizeing'….(A Tyra 'ism' -smiling with eyes) …..I may need to work on my 'Smize'  as it seemed to scare Becky, my DIL, when I was showing her my super model 'smize' pose! 

….And just when I thought things couldn't get any better, I also get to spend quality time with Becky, my DIL, who will be coming with me! We plan to make the most of it with an overnight stay in London and a meal at Jamie's in Canary Wharf!

Yay!!

  

Wig Waffle!

I'm delighted to announce that I have a name for my long wig. As you may know I found the name through a competition I set up.

I had a total of 104 names suggested and the competition raised an incredible £456 for Look Good Feel Better (LGFB)…There were a couple of generous last minute donations from Kenny and Chloe that boosted this significantly. Thank you everyone for taking part in all my fundraising adventures.
(BTW: My total raised for LGFB is £561 and for NGH is £979.72)

I set my fundraising 'Boobettes' a challenge to collect name suggestions and donations and it is to their credit that the competition raised so much for LGFB and they were rewarded with prizes. I covered the cost of the prizes from my 'buzzed hair fund' , so all the money donated has gone straight to LGFB. My thinking is that I could have just donated the cost of a hair cut to LGFB, but by doing it this way I have multiplied the amount donated! 'simples'

I have officially banned Jo Jo , one of my lovely boobette's from donating to my next hair dare! It seems she got carried away, agreeing to put money in for people for the wig naming competition and then forgetting who owed her the money so has inadvertently donated EVEN more than she has already!!!

Franco, her partner thinks she should just set up a regular direct debit into my Just giving account…. lol!  Well , I won't  ask her to do that but she will probably ignore the ban once she has had a glass of wine and feels the pressure from Jan on their girls night! he he he! I love you Jo x

Anyway; my favourite 5 wig names were;

1.WIG. I. AM, chosen by Reena Gohil
2.Winnie, chosen by Paula Cohen
3.Rapunzel, chosen by Carol Mair and Jenna
4.Beau, chosen by Kiara age 4.
5.Stella, chosen by Rebecca May.

It was Kiara that won, and I'm really excited that although she chose the name Beau, that she has allowed me to name my wig after her ' Kiara Beau'.

Kiara hasn't been well herself and lost her hair too…She told her mummy that my wig was beautiful and wanted one ….. so the name just fits for me!

It seems Kiara was named after Simba and Nala's cub….I'm a big fan of the Lion King , so another sign that it was just meant to be!

Kiara, was given £42 in Toy's R Us vouchers and my mother in Law Sue, kindly made her a child's version of this hat, modelled by Becky (right). I hope to have a photo of Kiara wearing the hat soon xx

Jan, Jo, Bex

My 'bobettes' all had a prize and the 2 overall prize's went to Gill, who raised the most money (£123) and Debbie, who collected the most votes (23).

Boobette Prizes

'Kiara Beau' made her official debut at my 'girls night in- Half way there party' on 22nd March 2014.

I have to admit though, 'Kiara Beau', before being given a name, made an emergency appearance  the week before, because 'Vivian' misbehaved!….. Vivian dipped herself in chocolate whilst I was making chocolate coated strawberries so she needed a wash!

Washing Vivian was quite an interesting experience… quite novel to leave ones hair washing whilst making the sunday lunch. The hair wash involved a swish and a soak with baby shampoo and get this…... 'comfort' fabric softener as a conditioner!!  Vivian was then left overnight to dry and with a shake and a brush… POW … I was ready to rock the Vivian look again!  I could get used to this!

I'm looking forward to having as much fun with Kiara Beau as Ive been having withVivian.  Whilst I have no hair of my own , It's great having 'Lego Hair'…!  Having been to see the Lego movie recently , I have bizarrely come to relate to the characters and appreciate the convenience of the iconic pop on/off hair do's!

Kiara Lego head!

Vivian Lego head!

I'm signing off now , feeling  rather proud of my new wig and smug about the amount of money that has been  raised so far . Thank You

Operation 'Boob'…Round 2!

Operation Boob, round 2 went without a glitch! Steve and I arrived at NGH at 7.30 on 26th March and this time we were promptly taken through to the ward and I was official admitted.

Mr Dawson met with me, and again went through what would be happening and preparing me for the appearance of my wound/breast area. Having asked whether there was anything I had done to lead to the infection, he reassured me that I hadn't and that when I go on to have reconstruction in the future , the risk of it happening again would reduce as I would not be having chemotherapy at the same time.

Because the skin sparing implant, has been removed , any reconstruction now is likely to involve grafts from either the back or the tummy. More war wounds and more decisions for another day.

The anaesthetist also met with me and mentioned that I was anaemic, which explained my marathon sleep yesterday!

Steve planned to go to work whilst I was at hospital and he had been preoccupied with work texts and emails as he waited with me for the surgery. Feeling 'alert' to the activity around me, the time went quickly and at 9.20am Steve gave me a hug and a kiss and left me in the hands of the anaesthetist who had come to collect me for surgery .

Whilst the significance and implications of the surgery was not lost on me, I do not remember feeling anything other than 'acceptance' of what was about to happen. There were two attempts to get veins for the anaesthetic and I was soon out for the count.

The next thing I remember is looking at the clock in recovery at 10.10am and I was taken back to the day ward shortly after that , where I snoozed some more!

I woke to a large tight dressing over my left breast area, which I was expecting and I felt no pain at all. The drugs probably helped, but I can honesty say that I have not felt any pain from the wound…may be some discomfort in certain positions, but otherwise all very doable!

During his rounds , Mr Dawson confirmed that it had been the right decision to remove the implant… he used the word 'manky' to describe what he had found…The word sounded so wrong coming from Mr Dawson, who is well spoken and  has a very soothing tone, but it just 'humanised' the whole thing and I appreciated that…

The ward was a great deal calmer than it had been in November and the nurses as usual were great . I was initially under half hourly observations and my blood pressure was again causing debate.

I made it out by 4.20pm an after a stop off at Waitrose …. we arrived at home , I made myself some soup and it was back to normality… as if nothing had happened…..for the outside world anyway!

Hurdles Hurdles !

So…as predicted, most of today(24.3.13) was spent at Northampton General Hospital. After a reassuring start with the echocardiogram at 8.50am, I certainly wasn't expecting the outcome of the second appointment with Mr Dawson!

I was initially examined by a registrar who then bought in Mr Dawson for a view about my poorly boob! Following a further examination, Mr Dawson explained that my implant was infected and that because the antibiotics had not worked that the implant needed to come out.

Mr Dawson, as obliged to do, offered me the option, to try a further course of antibiotics, however in his professional opinion there was only a small chance that this would save the implant. This, he told me, would delay my chemotherapy and could compromise the success of my treatment.

To say I was disappointed is an understatement, however in not wanting to delay the inevitable, there was no doubt about how I should proceed and I am booked in for surgery on the 26th March 2014.


The only way to approach this hurdle!

Mr Dawson took time to prepare me for what I would look like after surgery. The only reason to try a further course of antibiotics is purely cosmetic and with the odds of success so low it is just not worth it for me. Chemo is the priority!

The implant will not be replaced and the result of the reconstruction in the future, may not look as good, but hey, I choose life over a 'pretty boob'! At least I have one perfect boob!

A breast care nurse spoke to me tenderly about the prothesis that I will be given post surgery and showed me models of them so may know what to expect.

So after signing consent and spending 2.5 hours waiting/having pre op tests, I returned home and slept!

Chemotherapy- Round 3- 'Carlsberg' cancer patient!

So, Round 3 happened on the 7th March 2013… and I admit since this date, I've had 'writters block' and have only just got back enough 'creative flow' to update my blog family.

Incidentally my blog has had 19,868 hits so far… and I wonder whether this has anything to do with my fantastic MIL (Mother in Law),Sue who seems to check daily for updateS on news that I may have omitted to mention during texts and telephone calls.

Sue and Rob (FIL) are Danny's paternal grandparents and they have known me since I was 14, when I met Danny's father, Wayne. Wayne and I separated when I was 21 and we later divorced, however despite the separation, Sue and Rob have always been an important part of my life and I am so very lucky to have such wonderful grandparents for Danny.

As Danny grew older, we(MIL/FIL and I)were personally not as in touch with each other as we were when Danny was a child, however they are people that I trust and feel unconditional love, strength and support for and I am eternally grateful to them.

I want to present to the world with strength and fortitude, even in tough times, however Sue seems to see right though me and can detect personal torment, and just by her care and concern, texts, calls and visits it has helped me get back on track when there have been wobbles this chemo round. I'm sure she doesn't really know how much she has helped, but it has been even even more important in round 3;

Steve seems to have found the whole cancer thing more difficult than I have to handle, and does not know quite what to do/not to do or what to say/not to say and it has made this round 3 quite a 'lonely' one for me… if that makes sense!?

It isn't meant to be easy and I know from chatting to other Ladies, that cancer treatment has put even the most robust familial relationships to the 'test'. It will be about riding any storm by focusing on the humour and strengths of our relationship until 'normality' is restored for us… In the meantime I aim to remain a 'Carlsberg' cancer patient and just get on with it and keep on fundraising and raising awareness!

So….. Chemo day … yes… it was the Mohican Hair Dare and I'm delighted to say that the dare raised and amazing £277.22... £10 was donated on the day by Tracy and her mother, who saw the sign whilst Steve and I were waiting in the waiting area!! The hair dares have now raised a total of £938.74 and I'm only £61.26 away from my target of £1000 for all of the chemo rounds.

Thank you all so much; every pound will help; from 'the student pounds' to the anonymous donation's given. Even baby George and Alex wanted to join me with the Mohican theme!

Please check out my just giving page on the link below for my next hair dare and donate if you can. My target for 'Cabbage Patch Capers' Round 4 is the £61.26 that will take the total amount raised for NGH chemo unit to £1000.

The dare involves wearing a 'cabbage patch kid' hair style hat this time. This is all thanks to Taymar and Gill, two good friends, who independent of each other, gifted me a 'cabbage patch kid hat' within a day of each other. It seems I made an innocent comment on Facebook about wanting one! My MIL, Sue has also made 4 more for me and after the dare I will be raffling/auctioning them off to raise further funds.

For every donation made, I am asking for your vote as to which hat to wear for the dare. Here are the boys and girls modelling the hats for you to chose;

So back to chemo day ….The chemo treatment itself was administered as usual albeit through my Groshong line for the first time. It must have looked quite 'interesting' to watch the nurse cleaning and dressing the line near my cleavage and I'm pleased that I had the forethought to wear an easy access top to preserve some dignity!. The dressing from neck was removed too and it revealed a mark/bruising that the nurse and Steve described as looking like a 'love bite'… nice !

The chemo unit seemed busier than usual and there wasn't the 'personal touch' to the nursing care, that made other sessions more 'palatable', But the important thing is that the treatment was given as diligently as usual.

I tend not to be able to concentrate on anything during the session and I don't really know where my mind goes to but the time goes quickly for me. Steve busied himself with his iPad mini and his racing game again. In making himself at home, Steve seemed to be competing for iPad volume with the loud humming and bleeping of Chemo treatment machines……Steve humorously expressed his 'dissatisfaction' that he could not hear his game because of the chemo machines!

So imagine, there was Steve, ipad in hand used as a steering wheel(again), tongue out(again), and now braving an even higher volume on his game for all to hear. I'm increasingly concerned that he will relax himself further next time, into other home comfort habits! mmmm!

This was the last treatment of the FEC part of chemotherapy and I will begin the 'T' part (Docetaxel) in Round 4 of my chemo treatment on 31st March. Prof. Eldeeb had explained in the early day's that I would be starting the Herceptin treatment at the same time as the Docetaxel, and I was a little frustrated to find that the nurses were not aware of this and it wasn't  written on my care plan.

The Herceptin is due to be administered every 3 weeks for a year and I'm keen to start this as soon as possible so I may put the treatments behind me and rid myself of the Groshong line at the earliest opportunity.

It seems that If I am to start the Herceptin at the same time as the Docetaxel, this will done over two day's to ensure that I tolerate the new drugs well. When I called the registrar ,Vaida to check out the plans, I was told that I would have to have a further consultation about this and an echocardiogram to look at any effect the FEC has had on my heart. I have since been slotted in to a cancellation for an echocardiogram appointment on 24th March 2014 and have a Chemo review on 28th March to discuss this all further.

Most of Monday 24th March will be spent at NGH as I also have an appointment to see Mr Dawson, my surgeon. This was made following concerns about an infection in my poorly boob. Having woken up in 17th March with the biggest cold sore ever and a swollen, red and sore boob', I was reviewed by oncology and put on antibiotics. Thankfully my bloods were ok and my symptoms seemed to point to localised infections and seroma (build up of fluid). I was seen by a 'locum' consultant from the surgical team the following day and had an ultrasound of my boob. Preferring to avoid 'aspiration' of the fluid ,I chose to ride out the symptoms hoping that they would settle whilst the antibiotics take effect and I will be seeing Mr Dawson as a follow up.

So that brings you a little more up to date and now that I'm in full swing with the creative flow you can expect more updates ,pictures and insights soon!

Groshong Line!

All went as planned and the Groshong line was fitted on 6th March!

On the 5th however, I made a call and left a message Oncology at 8.30am, as I had a sore throat and feared this could have affected my treatment. The call/message was not returned until 4pm, and by that time I had decided to pop into Oncology and got seen, assessed and was already home!

Bloods were taken as per usual and I had to wait for the results before being allowed home. During the wait I was left pondering; why the staff closed the door of the room I was in, when they were 'consulting' about me and other patients in the next room, because I could hear reasonably well what was being said through the thin walls! I have not come up with an answer to my 'ponderings' and probably overheard things I shouldn't have, but I was very impressed by hearing the good old NHS in action!

Thankfully I didn't have a throat infection and I left the assessment with some mouth wash. It seems that the sore throat is probably a side effect of the chemo.

So…. Groshong line day…..you wont be surprised to know that Steve got me to NGH in plenty of time (8am) and after initial obs in Oncology, the procedure was undertaken in the Heart department.

As Steve was with me, Christine Taylor, the nurse found a separate room so he could stay with me. Nothing seemed a bother to the medical staff in that unit, and they just seemed 'present' in all the discussion with me. I had no reservations about the procedure, and the only tell tale signs of trepidation was some waffling and forgetting my D.O.B !! Yes really!

Glamorous preparation!

There was a total of 5 medical staff in the theatre, including Dr Sabhi, who was carrying out the procedure. Local anaesthetic was used at the sight of an incision in my neck and chest. I was sedated throughout and although I could not feel a thing. I was 'aware' of the activity around me and some pulling and tugging of my neck and chest area. I can't remember much else whilst I was under sedation although there was this awareness of being  at the mercy of the medical staff.  There was a nurse sitting next to me, rubbing my arm in comfort. A nice touch!



The procedure took about 20 minutes and I was returned to Steve who waited patiently with me for an hour, whilst the sedative wore off.






So, I left NGH with a new accessory to my cleavage (connection line), a small scar/tube to my neck and ready to take on chemo on the 7th March !

Unconditional love

Chemo day today and when this one is done and dusted I will be half way through my FEC-T treatment…..Woohoo!! 'normality' is closer by the day!!

Other than a sore throat, the side effects have been as described before with my poor memory and attention span being my biggest concern, particularly going forward when I return to work.

Positivity has definitely been my approach since my last chemo, however 'the blues' have crept in on occasions where my emotions again seem exaggerated. I have felt overwhelmed by the little acts of kindness that we take for granted, such as someone opening door for me, but equally I have felt 'devastated' by even the most minor of things, such as queue jumping or bad manners!

Before you all say 'poor Steve' for puting up with this,(lol) please do note,that he has had a tummy bug and has felt a little unwell for a couple of weeks, and he is worst and most irritable 'patient' ever, so we have not been a good combination!

I'm not sure this has anything to do with my symptoms, but there was another event that left me perplexed which I feel compelled to share; I became the frustrated 'victim' of road rage last week, where my only 'crime' was to slow and stop my car to avoid running someone over. The result being; the 'idiot' behind me dangerously overtaking me and stoping and 'fronting' up to me!!

The guy obviously hadn't seem the man that was in the middle of the road, and ignoring my explanation and any attempts to pacify him, he told me that it wasn't his problem and that I shouldn't have stopped my car as he had his 'kid' in the car. When I told him how ridiculous that was, he threatened that 'It was a good job I was a woman!'

Enough said about that, but what I can say, even the tough cookie that I am, the confrontation shook me up and in seeking care and concern from Steve, I became even more perplexed by his response (questioned how I was driving) than the drivers!! I see an Amazon purchase coming up 'men are from Mars and women are from Venus' unless someone out there has a copy I can borrow!

Anyway, all is good, these are just little insights and otherwise I have kept myself busy with appointments, my blog and family and friends time.

I have had two sessions of 'Reiki' at the Dunstone and Bennett Complementary Centre. This is a small charitable organisation offering therapeutic treatments to those undergoing treatment for Cancer at NGH. I have never experienced Reiki before and found it very relaxing. During my second session I felt the effect more. Booby Jo experienced more of a dramatic effect than I did. The effects are reported to be accumulative and I am booked in for 4 sessions, so I will keep you posted.

You may recall in a previous post that I went to a Breast Cancer Ball last October, well; the Dunstone and Bennett Centre was a beneficiary of the funds raised there. Mandy Waite, hosted this event and little did I know at the time, that she was to become a most excellent Booby buddy!

Last week, I went to Colchester to visit my Sister in Law (SIL), Susan and my lovely nieces, Lucy(10),Alannah(8), Gracie(5)and Scarlett(4)(LAGS). They are moving to France shortly and that was the last time I will see them for a while. My visits to 'LAGS' are always a 'love fest', however this was the first time they had met 'Vivian' and seen me without hair, so I wasn't sure how they would be. There was really no need to worry… I was met with even more love and curiosity.

I'm always very conscious of the effect that my hair loss/illness has on others and find myself naturally offering reassurance, and dealing with well meaning 'sympathetic', sometimes shocked looks. This is fine, as quite often when people find that I'm ok with being bald, it makes people more comfortable around me!

I had a compliment from a lovely sales assistant at Laura Ashley they other day about my hair. Of course it was 'Vivian', and instinctively I introduced her as my wig to the sales assistant.She was initially embarrassed, but having assured her that this was the ultimate compliment, we chatted for ages!

'LAGS' however are in a league of their own, they were all comically curious about my bald head and kept asking to see it and touch it. They even insisted that my brother, John see it during a Skype conversation from Tanzania.

Of course, they also tried on Vivian and I felt so much joy in my heart watching them. They made me feel special 'just the way I am' and this unconditional love is my best treatment so far! Well done to my Bro and SIL/BF for raising such lovely children.

I left Colchester, with a spring in my step and 3 portraits drawn by the girls of 'moi' wearing 'Vivian'.