Project Boob - Take 2

I'm settling nicely into my 'new' normal, my home, my work and finally I'm pleased to be taking sometime to step back, catch my breath and reflect on recent 'medical' events. 

It's been nice in a way to have a main focus away from medical issues, however I have had a number of medical appointments during my house move and transition back to work, which have needed more attention than I was able to give them.…... but hey I survived to 'blog about' it lol …and that is just the reality for me right now… I'm absolutely shattered, however with the help of some rather excellent friends and family, I am withstanding the associated physical and emotional demands of a house move and return to work … What I have learnt, though,  is  how easy it has been to overlook my health needs, when faced with other life demands and know I will need to keep check on this going forward. I'm pleased to say that the physically demanding period is done with and I'm in an 'enchanted' nesting phase. 

I have found that 'The challenge of cancer does not automatically end when treatment finishes' (Article LINK). I can't just bounce back into my old self, and in composing my post treatment future, I know that the stability I'm securing in my life and my support networks are crucial to it's accolade , even if that stability is sought through making difficult  life changing decisions as I have done  ... Stability means different things to different people, for me it is attending to my basic needs and about the sense peace I have acquired from the direction I have chosen.... and this is what enables me to 'withstand' the challenges along the way!

Anyhow…. as for my medical news; I had been looking forward to my appointment with the plastic surgeon in Leicester for some time and I duly met with Dr Varma at Leicester Royal Infirmary on 12th November 2014, with my XMIL in tow! 

In my mind this appointment was the beginning of an exciting metamorphosis, where  I would be making decisions about my new boobs!….The reality was 'something else', but never the less, after some poking, prodding, weighing and measuring, I was given the 'verdict' and came away with the start of a plan for project Boob!

Dr Varma spoke to me about Diep Flap reconstruction. First and foremost he told me NOT to loose weight …..WTH…… I didn't expect that one!! It seems there' is NOT enough tummy skin and fat to create the same size boob there anyway…… Seriously I was sure there was plenty … but no, it seems the reconstructed boob, could be two sizes smaller than it used to be. I would then have wonky boobs until the reconstructed boob settled , and then my 'perfect boob' would be matched! 

When asked…….and ONLY WHEN I RAISED the issue of my  little pink unicorn tattoo on my knicker line,  did Dr Varma tell me that the tattoo would be transferred to the breast !!! That was said far too causally for my liking….. and I made no attempt to disguise my incredulity at the mere thought, as I set him a challenge to find an alternative way forward …as that clearly was NOT going to happen……!! Sorry my dear XMIL there will not be a 'Boobicorn' ! ha ha !

 I never imagined that this could REALLY happen when I joked  with friends before the appointment, that my tattoo could be transferred to my boob,  but it seems if I don't want this then I need to put weight ON  to create more skin and fat!…. GREAT!!!!!.... 

So I wasn't being facetious after all in a previous post; I literally AM 'harvestin'g' my boob on my belly ! Lol! 

I hadn't prepared myself for the possibility that my boobs may not be the same size as before, and I questioned the options…. I really didn't like hearing that my boobs would be smaller…. I'm sure thats not all really about the size…. just have to come to terms with that, if there is of course no other options and that is to be my reality? …… I will certainly be researching the choices I have before surrendering to the surgeon!! ha ha!

The talk of moving flesh from one part of my body to another was all pretty clinical, and I look forward to my boobs no longer  being the subject of such medical interests and being able to reclaim my body for my very self.  

I'm a little  'gutted'  to be honest, that I can't loose weight...but it's Doctors orders !!...  It just seems there  is to be another delay in recovering my body shape and fitness…… this #breast cancer lark has a lot to answer for… but hey…. work in progress….and progress I'm seeing! I'm still not fully in control, but very much in charge of the decisions that pave the way. 

There was discussion re the prophylactic (LINK) removal of ‘the perfect boob’,  however this depends on the outcome of genetic testing and I should know more about this in December 2014. 

So………..Dr Varma will not take matters further until  my Herceptin treatment is finished in March 2015, It seems that the drug affects healing and it would not be safe to proceed whilst I'm still taking it. I am keen to have the procedure done as soon as possible, but  I'm thankful that the reconstruction has been 'parked' for me because other aspects of my life need attention. 

The appointment didn't offer the promise I had set myself but I'm satisfied that there is a plan and I shall be doing my home work and making sure I attend the next appointment in March 2015 with a clear mind, free from distractions. 

My life  feels like it is one big project management exercize, all is clear to me what needs to be achieved, with no ambiguity  and all thats missing is the spreadsheet and the P. A!!… hold on… my XMIL already fulfils that criteria!