I shall start with the most exciting news about the results of the CT scan that I had on the 6th August 2017. I wasn't supposed to have had the results until the 15th August, but a chance encounter with Dr Knighton, that very evening, at the #BFN monthly meeting, triggered my request to return to his care and then a consultation/chemo review with him just 2 days later.
I had been growing weary and losing confidence with the lack of continuity/consistency in the care I was receiving from Mr Mosni who was supposed to have oversight of my care. By the time I saw Dr Knighton, I had never even met Mr Mosni and had been seen by several different registrars. You may recall that I was previously a patient of Dr Knighton and knowing what I was missing out on, I felt quite short changed.
Anyway, I hadn't expected any results when I saw Dr Knighton on 8th August and so I was pleased he had taken the initiative to chase the results for me, and even more pleased that my XMIL was with me to hear that my results 'were stable'. Further probing for the detail, initiated a 'musical symphony in my head' that drowned out everything but the key words of that moment... 'minimal disease' and 'cancer is dying'....'
This was the first CT scan since my secondary diagnosis and I had been beyond desperate to know how I was responding to treatment and whether I was closer to that 'edge'. The 'scanxiety' that most cancer patients slip into despite best efforts, was thankfully short lived for me this time and I was grateful of the amnesty bestowed on my wellbeing. Such a shame we are made to wait sometimes up to 2 weeks for results. I'm sure this has a lot to do with a pressurised NHS, however one does wonder whether a lil' 'tweak' of the systems here and there would allow results to be delivered swiftly and allow 'us' some emotional peace at these times.
Dr Knighton has a particular holistic approach to his care and offered advice about exercise and diet. He was one step ahead of everything and before I even said a word about the malady erupting all over my face, he took one look at me, diagnosed me with Folliculitis and reached for his prescription pad.
I had alerted several medical professionals since my first chemo back in July of the sore and uncomfortable blister like spots that were assembling on my head and face, so was a little annoyed that relief hadn't been given before now. I was just 'sucking it up', like I do, as a side effect of the chemo I couldn't do anything about!
With each chemo cycle the blisters had been getting worse on my face and luckily Dr Knighton was totally in tune with what this would mean for me and seemed as keen to rid me, or at the very least, ease me, from the physically repulsive, uncomfortable chemo induced symptoms, as I was! Not even in the interest of 'keeping it real' will I ever post a photo of this symptom or even venture out without a dab or so of my Bobbi Brown concealer! I'm confident that the cream will do the trick and hopefully I will avoid an expensive bulk buy concealer shipment! Cancer is expensive!
Folliculitis free picture
Dr Knighton also prescribed an antibiotic concoction for the dry infection in my nostrils that I develop through my cycle, that was making life just a little more 'icky' than it should have been..Just another symptom I had 'sucked up' after speaking with 'disinterested' medical professionals.
Anyway, the melody in my head continued to play out blissfully, however there was then news from Dr Knighton that brought that 'symphony' to a powerful crescendo. He told me that he recommends that 'his ladies' continue with the Docetaxol part of the treatment for as long as they can tolerate it. It seems most ladies last up to 10 sessions, and being the determined person that I am, I would probably aim for 12, which would take me well into 2018 and totally interrupt family, work , financial and life plans.
Dr Knighton explained that the Docetaxol is a small part of the treatment plan and that the Herceptin and Pertuzumab are the main players but he handed the choice to me. So I shall be doing my research and using one of my decision making matrix' tools to make the right choice for me.
Dr Knighton explained that the Docetaxol is a small part of the treatment plan and that the Herceptin and Pertuzumab are the main players but he handed the choice to me. So I shall be doing my research and using one of my decision making matrix' tools to make the right choice for me.
Having the choice carries a sense of empowerment but given the ultimate stakes involved, I am totally bewildered and wished I did not have to chose. Surely he wouldn't give me the choice if it was such a high risk? There is no question that I would carry on if told to, and I would simply make it work on a financial, career and personal level, however with so much to look forward to in my world, I want to leave the chemo behind, reach my new normal as quickly as possible and participate as fully as I can in the life that I have. Lots to think about hey!
The chemo side effects being what they have been, and with some confusion and disappointments in my personal life this cycle has been tough. Nothing that I cannot handle mind you, and as usual there have been the blessings, consequential events and exciting plans coming to fruition that has provided the emotional environment for me to thrive and the faith to believe that I am on track.
Sharing all of this with XMIL was comforting and it was sheer coincidence that she was over from Canterbury with XFIL for Dr Knighton's appointment. They paid a visit so XMIL could essentially teach me to crotchet for operation 'flutterby blanket' (more about this soon). As XFIL declared; their visit also involved some 'cosseting'. I love this word, a 'vintage' term , probably best known now as a form of TLC .... I'm not easy to 'cosset' despite my a hidden craving for it's perks. I am usually the 'cosseter' but these guy's have the measure of me, they have known me since I was was 14, longer than my own parents and so their 'cosseting' tends to be gently enforced with 'cheeky sneakings' about doing 'stuff' that I'm too proud to let or ask others to do. You are he best S&R and I'm now open for some TLC!
It is the time of the year when my own mother has been profoundly in my thoughts. It was the anniversary of her death on 24th August and her birthday is on 19th September and I usually enjoy a comforting remembering day. This year feels very different, she was 44 when she died of cancer and this is the very age that I am now and like her I have my very own incurable cancer diagnosis. Unlike my mother, I shall live beyond my 44th year and I'm determined to put in many more years at that, however I find the parallels of our stories frightening, never the less, they have proved to be life experiences that have prepared me well and are guiding my priorities for the following chapters of my life.
The symphony of life continues
The chemo side effects being what they have been, and with some confusion and disappointments in my personal life this cycle has been tough. Nothing that I cannot handle mind you, and as usual there have been the blessings, consequential events and exciting plans coming to fruition that has provided the emotional environment for me to thrive and the faith to believe that I am on track.
Sharing all of this with XMIL was comforting and it was sheer coincidence that she was over from Canterbury with XFIL for Dr Knighton's appointment. They paid a visit so XMIL could essentially teach me to crotchet for operation 'flutterby blanket' (more about this soon). As XFIL declared; their visit also involved some 'cosseting'. I love this word, a 'vintage' term , probably best known now as a form of TLC .... I'm not easy to 'cosset' despite my a hidden craving for it's perks. I am usually the 'cosseter' but these guy's have the measure of me, they have known me since I was was 14, longer than my own parents and so their 'cosseting' tends to be gently enforced with 'cheeky sneakings' about doing 'stuff' that I'm too proud to let or ask others to do. You are he best S&R and I'm now open for some TLC!
It is the time of the year when my own mother has been profoundly in my thoughts. It was the anniversary of her death on 24th August and her birthday is on 19th September and I usually enjoy a comforting remembering day. This year feels very different, she was 44 when she died of cancer and this is the very age that I am now and like her I have my very own incurable cancer diagnosis. Unlike my mother, I shall live beyond my 44th year and I'm determined to put in many more years at that, however I find the parallels of our stories frightening, never the less, they have proved to be life experiences that have prepared me well and are guiding my priorities for the following chapters of my life.
The symphony of life continues
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