'The Wonderful World of Haribo'

Well, I've been back from Barbados for over a week now and 'WOWZER', I had such an amazing time. I have totally fallen in love with the Island, just like Ruth and Trevor said I would, and most importantly I got to watch two of my favourite people get married.

Seeing Ruth so happy was priceless and I feel so blessed that I was part of her special day. I really have come away enriched with wonderful memories and new friendships. lucky me I say!

Holiday jovialities and mischief never quite gave the 'elephant in my head' a break from thoughts of cancer, pending tests,results, treatments and more significantly my prognosis, all the same,  never enough to disrupt the memory making and merriments of the holiday.

However, within days of my return, I came back down to earth with an almighty emotional crash, having become overwhelmed with feelings of powerlessness.  I'm deliberately being cryptic about this, but suffice to say I am experiencing some sadness at the moment about cancer and what it has, is, may take away from me.

I 'don't do' sad and I certainly don't plan  to linger  in my sadness for long if I can help it, but there again I've never before been given an incurable, life limiting diagnosis, so  recognise that I need to explore this with someone, a professional that can help me work through it and I have arranged for this to happen via Macmillan.

There is, otherwise only a couple of medical updates to report; I received the results about my HER2
status and this is positive. This means I may benefit from recent advances in cancer treatment. I have
an appointment with the oncologist on 20th June, where I will learn; the outcome of the CT PET scan I had on 9th June and my treatment plan.

The Letrizole medication that I changed to recently has given me some side effects that I am learning to manage and live with. This includes some hair loss, I have plenty of hair for the time being, so this is not noticeable, but the shower drain and the Dyson are taking a  'bashing'. The bloating is uncomfortable   and head aches are niggly. I'm also experiencing restless nights, increased  tiredness, fatigue and some weakness, though one wonders if there is an emotional element here.

I have taken a further  two weeks of annual leave from work , whilst I find out where the land lies in
terms of treatment. I will be able to make some decisions about work after my appointment,
something that is also actively circling my thoughts.

I am naturally anxious about the CT PET scan results. I am all out of educated guesses about the results  and what to expect. But hey, It is what it is and I will deal with it;  It just  seems so long since I found out that my cancer had spread, and am keen for it all to gather  some momentum now.

I have been dealing with medical hiatus by escaping into 'The Wonderful World of Haribo' with my secret stash of 'Tangfastic stixx' and eating my emotions.

Not that this is the most nutritious, but never the less it has  also been helpful in weaning me off the rum punch, happy hour cocktails in the'Wonderful world of Barbados'. lol!