I spent a lovely week with my family and part of the week we were joined by John and Susan's friend Pauliene, her 3 daughters, and one of their friends. With John Pover senior away, John was blessed with the company of 11 ladies and we spent a few day's on 'Von Trapp family style' outings…all ready to burst into song! lol!
So…a 'siesta' each afternoon on my SIL's hammock, positioned under a tree, overlooking the rambling Tarn countryside, was just the trick to see me through the week with my energetic nieces.
That week saw a boost in my post cancer treatment confidence in many ways. It was all about falling into a familiarity with the physical changes, mind and heart …. making friends with my 'new self'…and this was somewhat easier whilst I was surrounded by unconditional love and encouragement from my family.
I had learnt from my time in Spain that wearing 'Vivian' was not the most pleasant of experiences. The heat out there, saw me meticulously plan activities around the availability of air con and away from intense heat!!.... I did wear 'Vivian' throughout my time in Spain.... and it just was simply too hot, but I wore it regardless because my hair growth still had the 'Gollum look' about it and I was not ready to go solo!
I had a hair growth spurt whilst I was in Spain and this made wig wearing more uncomfortable especially with the random treatment related hot flushes, that would strike. So by the time I got to France, there was no more searching for air con…Vivian stayed off for most of it and was only worn for 'best' on the Von Trapp family outings!
I just loved that I could be 'me' around L.A.G.S, who as always, were quick to express curiosities and comment about my hair and my eye brows in such an 'interested' way. It's the sense that I did not have to hide the 'White Elephant' in the room and it made me feel so relaxed and that week certainly influenced a new found confidence in going 'solo'…despite the '50 shades of grey!
I had not planned to swim in Spain, but at a last minute change of mind saw me travel 30 miles to one of the nearest outlets the day before I flew out, in search of a 'mastectomy' tankini. I had been looking online and had an idea what was out there in terms of mastectomy swim wear, but it really surprised me how disappointed I was with the choice, styles and availability in shops.
The lady in the store was extremely helpful, but the choices and sizes on the day were limited in store. I came away with an 'it'll do' tankini, by Anita and what I learnt is that acquiring such as product is not a cheap venture and certainly should not be a last minute consideration.
With the £85 price tag, I certainly felt that I deserved to have been more satisfied with the purchase than I was, but hey, I have a boob missing so not surprising! Ironically it wasn't the fact that I had to adapt my swimwear choices because of my missing boob, or even because of the radiotherapy burns, it was the 'cancer' weight gain that played mostly on my mind and lead my choice!
Not an issue I'll have for long though and I look forward to 'bikini shopping' next year when I have more hair, hopefully trim up and have my new boobs !!
My brothers home has a swimming pool and thanks to efforts made before my trip to Spain, I was well prepared for a swim with my excitable nieces!!
I love swimming and when I did swim for the first time with LAGS, It was an initially somewhat vulnerable moment but then such an unbinding experience. I was as stripped bare as I could be in 'public' and I had no hair and make up (may be just a little!) and the only thing on our minds was escaping from each other during our game of 'Marco Polo'.
This made me reflect on my tendency to spare the feelings of others that have struggled with my appearance and diagnosis, by 'hiding' the physical and emotional impact that cancer has had on me, even at the worst times. Feeling so relaxed in France about it all, has certainly made me think this approach may have carried a price in terms of my confidence and emotional well being.
I learn't that my world did not change when I went to the Vaor village festival without Vivian, nobody stared and being my first public solo outing, it felt so liberating! Vive la liberte !! ha ha! I was of course in France and wouldn't have understood fully if I had been told me I look hideous!!
My brows and lashes had also made a noticeable comeback by the end of the trip to Spain. I loved that Gracie became so excited, in the moment she spotted that my eye lashes had grown since the last time she saw me! Even more priceless, was Gracie and Scarlett's panic when they thought I was going home every time Vivian made an appearance!!
During one of our 'world to rights' chats over coffee with My SIL, I also decided that I was in fact harvesting my new boob on my tummy and that I should not be too hard on my self for the Tummy weight!!…that being said I'm looking at returning to my original booby size,when I have my reconstruction and not GG cup, so shedding a few pounds is definitely the plan!
I just loved that I could be 'me' around L.A.G.S, who as always, were quick to express curiosities and comment about my hair and my eye brows in such an 'interested' way. It's the sense that I did not have to hide the 'White Elephant' in the room and it made me feel so relaxed and that week certainly influenced a new found confidence in going 'solo'…despite the '50 shades of grey!
 |
| My SIL outed me on FB with a 'feather earring selfie! |
The lady in the store was extremely helpful, but the choices and sizes on the day were limited in store. I came away with an 'it'll do' tankini, by Anita and what I learnt is that acquiring such as product is not a cheap venture and certainly should not be a last minute consideration.
With the £85 price tag, I certainly felt that I deserved to have been more satisfied with the purchase than I was, but hey, I have a boob missing so not surprising! Ironically it wasn't the fact that I had to adapt my swimwear choices because of my missing boob, or even because of the radiotherapy burns, it was the 'cancer' weight gain that played mostly on my mind and lead my choice!
Not an issue I'll have for long though and I look forward to 'bikini shopping' next year when I have more hair, hopefully trim up and have my new boobs !!
 |
| Christmas Shopping in August! |
I love swimming and when I did swim for the first time with LAGS, It was an initially somewhat vulnerable moment but then such an unbinding experience. I was as stripped bare as I could be in 'public' and I had no hair and make up (may be just a little!) and the only thing on our minds was escaping from each other during our game of 'Marco Polo'.
This made me reflect on my tendency to spare the feelings of others that have struggled with my appearance and diagnosis, by 'hiding' the physical and emotional impact that cancer has had on me, even at the worst times. Feeling so relaxed in France about it all, has certainly made me think this approach may have carried a price in terms of my confidence and emotional well being.
I learn't that my world did not change when I went to the Vaor village festival without Vivian, nobody stared and being my first public solo outing, it felt so liberating! Vive la liberte !! ha ha! I was of course in France and wouldn't have understood fully if I had been told me I look hideous!!
My brows and lashes had also made a noticeable comeback by the end of the trip to Spain. I loved that Gracie became so excited, in the moment she spotted that my eye lashes had grown since the last time she saw me! Even more priceless, was Gracie and Scarlett's panic when they thought I was going home every time Vivian made an appearance!!
During one of our 'world to rights' chats over coffee with My SIL, I also decided that I was in fact harvesting my new boob on my tummy and that I should not be too hard on my self for the Tummy weight!!…that being said I'm looking at returning to my original booby size,when I have my reconstruction and not GG cup, so shedding a few pounds is definitely the plan!
I never did swim in Spain, but I was grateful of my tankini purchase in France. There are special prosthesis for swimming, however given the cost of these (at least £85) and the fact that I will not need one for long, I wore the spongy prosthesis, I was given when I had the implant taken out. I have been fitted with a 'permanent prosthesis' for everyday and so the spongy one is a spare and it worked well in the water.
Being surrounded by my nieces, brother and SIL during this vulnerable moment, made me realise that the reactions of those around me influences how I feel about myself more than I realised. You know what the message there is!!
No comments:
Post a Comment