'Read all about it'

My brother Julian is certainly taking his fund-raising adventures seriously!! The Leicester Mercury, seemed keen to cover Julian's Mohican Hair dare, after he approached them about the stunt and we may  feature in Leicester's 'local rag' next week.

As you may know, Julian is raising money for 'Look Good Feel Better' and his dare involves shaving his hair into a blue mohican and celebrating Leicester City's promotion to the Premier League , by making his 'new hair do' debut at their final game of the season vrs. Doncaster Rovers  on 3rd May.

Julian has always been a little crazy and up for a dare…that probably runs in the family lol…..As Julian intended, his dare has put a 'smile on my face' and motivated me through a tough few weeks! Thank you Bro,  and for all those that have donated so far and your lovely messages !!

Julian and I were interviewed by Yasmin, the journalist,  and Julian and I had our photos taken on Friday 25th April for the article and it seems there will be a follow up story after the game!! I wore 'Bjorn' for the pictures, the wig given to me by LGFB.. it just  seemed fitting to be able to give back to the charity that has helped me so much.

Julian is a big LCFC supporter and being originally from Leicester myself , we are hoping that this exposure raises awareness of the LGFB charity in Leicester, particularly as it was the Leicester LGFB workshop that I attended back in January.  We are also secretly hoping, of course,  for some more donations from fans and Leicester folk! lol!

Leicester City's achievements and breast cancer are quite topical at the moment so looking forward to seeing the response!! I will of course let you know when it is published!

Julian is £4.02 away from reaching his £100 target for LGFB. Donate if you can and help him exceed this target to benefit the ladies and teens in your community. Lets see what the power of media has to offer.

£5 Enables LGFB to provide a Confidence Kit for a beneficiary to use iin the comfort of their own home

£50 Enables LGFB to put a smile on the face of one of our beneficiaries, helping restore confidence and boost self-esteem

£100 Enables LGFB to hold a LGFB Masterclass for 10 -20 patients as part of a local support group 

£500 Enables LGFB to hold a LGFB Workshop for 10-12 patients in an welcoming and uplifting environment 

Donate if you can

http://www.justgiving.com/Julian-Wright-Suzanne-Wright

Text : juju64 (the amount) to 70070

Chemotherapy -Round 4

Other than the 'manky boob' drama , I experienced the routine pattern of physical symptoms on the lead up Round 4 of the chemo treatment on 7th April 2014. Having settled into a set of expectations about the physical symptoms, I have been prepared and it has been easier to approach.

Week one is usually my 'fatigue, lethargic, treacle brain week', with week two evolving into my 'mouth sores, ulcer and croaky throat' week where the fatigue is easing but desperately hanging on! And week three my pick up week!…Yay!

On an emotional level the run up to Round 4, has been the most challenging for many reasons, where there have been a lot of 'roller coaster moments' !  First an foremost there was the 'manky boob' episode in week 3 and if there is to be a 'silver line', it was the week delay in the chemo treatment , which gave my body more time to recover for the photo shoot ; the ultimate 'roller coaster high'.

With the physical changes continuing to take hold and becoming more obvious, there are certainly times that I feel despondent, however it is the 'deluge' in personal growth that has been happening since my diagnosis that has overridden any 'hopelessness' that sometimes sneaks in ….and as I said previously 'It has taken cancer , 'my epiphany', to make me 'feel' the the strongest , most confident and beautiful I can ever remember feeling! I guess Its a matter of not looking at what you are not , but all the things that you are!

On the other hand , I feel quite guilty and sad for Steve, who has continued to struggle with what has been happening. Steve is a good man and  probably dealing with it all  in the best way he can . He certainly didn't sign up for this, it isn't fun and cancer unfortunately didn't  come with an instruction manual so I try to understand.

As I look back on previous posts I see Steve was an absolute rock, and since my first chemotherapy, as I have been 'stripped bare' I can see it has progressively got more difficult for him.     As it is; we are coping in such different ways …..  I do feel that Steve very much loves and cares for me, however copes with his pain and his feelings by retreating... a characteristic that existed pre cancer!

To be honest, I can't help feeling angry with Steve sometimes for the way he is dealing with things and it has been quite painful, however I try to understand and know he is trying to do his best! It is so important not to forget how those around people going through illnesses , are coping and not underestimating the effect on them.

So… back to my chemo treatment day and the 'Cabbage Patch Capers' hair dare….. Becky, my DIL , was my chemo buddy this time. She was on half term from school and I was pleased that she was able to come.  Being a  little more daring, we drove to NGH with out cabbage patch hats on and we were pleased that we captured everybody's attention when we arrived in the Oncology unit as this meant that there were lots of photo opportunities and more importantly, a significant increase in on the day donation's, with people approaching us to give us money.

Round 4 raised an amazing £113 via Just giving and at least £25 (exact figure TBC) in the sealed charity donation box! This makes a fabulous hair dare total of £1051.74 for the chemo refurb. at Northampton General Hospital. Thank you all for helping me make a difference!

Proff. Eldeeb has left NGH and I was seen by a Dr Knighton on 4th April for the first time for my pre chemo review.  I was quite anxious about this review, as I and been prepared for he possibility that  the chemo would be delayed due to the infection in my breast and I had questions about the start of the Herceptin treatment, so Steve came with me to this appointment.

The 50 minute delay in being seen was soon forgotten by the both of us , when we met the charismatic Dr Knighton! He was absolutely charming and explained that he had been reviewing my notes and had noticed  mistakes in letters sent to my GP re my HER2 diagnosis , so had been checking and confirming the correct diagnosis. Steve and I were reassured and impressed by his thoroughness and even more pleased when he said chemo could go ahead as planned and that the Herceptin could start!

Dr Knighton examined my breast as part of the consolation and after satisfying himself that it was healing well, he spoke to me about the look of my poorly breast area and  answered questions I hadn't even thought to ask about how it would look going forward. It really isn't a  pretty sight, and without seeking it, he seemed one step a head of me and sought to reassure me that I would be pleased with what plastic surgeons would be able to do for me. It was nice that there seems to be such a personal approach to this consultation and hope that this will continue going forward.

As I was starting the 'Docetaxell' part of the chemo treatment, I had  to take steroids on the day before, in readiness for the side effects. The steroids I have been taking have typically affected my weight and for a few day's my face swells a little. This isn't  such a big deal (face) at all  and whilst this is something that I notice, it doesn't seem that obvious to others unless I point it out.

On the day there was a significant delay in having my treatment , as my medical notes had been lost and they were unable to give me treatment without these. My treatment eventually started after signing another set of forms and having and ECG.

DIL and I managed the boredom with some socialising and posing for  'photoshoot selfies'.

We met an older lady with a great sense of humour who was dressed elegantly in purple and wearing magnificent purple turban with a jewel at the front! 'She looked like a movie star from the past' !

film star!

This lady was accompanied by her daughter, and having initially brushed a side some first signs of familiarity, as the conversations developed I learnt that the daughter , Liz Donald , was the locum DR. at my GP surgery who I first went to see about the changes in my breast. It certainly is a small world!

It was a tiring and productive day, but not the last I'd seen of the oncology unit that week. I returned to NGH the next day with Sue, my DIL (ex mother in law),  for the Herceptin Treatment. We again wore the Cabbage Patch wigs with the intention to procure more donations, and it worked!

The treatment was administered in about an hour, however I needed to be monitored for side effects for 6 hours at the hospital, so we occupied ourselves with scrabble and more socialising!

We met Karen Currie, who was undergoing her first round of chemo and was using the cold cap…. Karen, said the first 15 minutes were the worst and had thought to take it off…however found it doable after that period, so continued wrapped in a blanket!

We got to speaking about cosmetic products and parabens, a widely used cosmetic ingredient, linked to cancer. It seems Karen is an independent consultant  for 'Arbonne' a cosmetic company, specialising in 'safe' products…. so worth checking out  !

check out the link about parabens:

 http://www.realsimple.com/beauty-fashion/skincare/worry-about-parabens-00000000028428/

There is more and more interest in Paraben free products and my friends Chloe Hobbs and Claire Friend are 'Forever' consultants, who also supply paraben free products. I have changed over to the deodorant  and toothpaste thanks to these gal's!

Anyway ….Having reacted well to the Herceptin treatment , I will be having Herceptin treatments alongside the Docetaxel in round 5 and 6…. After round 6,  I  will go on to have this every 3 weeks for a year and I think this will be administered  through the Groshong line at home.  I'm secretly hoping that there is another way to administer this so I can get the Grohong line removed after round 6 and  can get back to some normality! I will of course check this out with Dr Knighton at my next review!

I am having Hercepting as I am HER2 Positive. HER2 is a protein that can affect the growth of some cancer cells and I have a high number of receptors, which stimulates the cancer cells to divide and grow.

Herceptin is an extremely expensive drug and feel very lucky to have access to the NHS…they  certainly seem to be throwing all thats out there to save my life!

So…  that brings you up to speed with my medical adventures…..and I'm due Round 5 on 28th April! There will be no hair dare on Round 5 as I am saving my self for round 6…..MY FINAL ONE!!! My plan is however, to collect on the day donations!

Imagine I'm a uterous!!!!!!

Ok… I'm a little behind with my updates but I have been absolutely 'bursting' to share my  "imagine I'm a uterous'' story !

So… you may recall that one of my scans picked up some  'cysts' (?) that I was getting checked out near my ovaries  well…. I finally went to the appointment on 17th March!

I already knew that there was nothing to  be concerned  about on a cancer front and I had no worries about going along.

I was initially seen by a young stunningly beautiful female student Dr, who explained that she would go through some questions and that the consultant would then come in and go over the outcome ! Not a problem … The student Dr, went on to ask me the routine questions and  asked me whether I had any questions of my own. She had already explained that she had only just started her placement and may not know the answers to all my questions, however she managed the consultation up to that point brilliantly!

Having learnt from my notes that I may have fimbrial cysts , I asked the Dr what these were…..to which she became animated, proceeded to stand up straight, stretch her arms into the air, clench and drop her fists and announced…... 'Imagine I'm a uterous'…..

The Dr. was obviously giving me a 'visual' to aid her verbal explanation …. and she was so enthusiastic and keen , you'll be pleased to know that I did stiffle my instant  urge to laugh!!….. Farcical …indeed it was .. but  utterly brilliant …..I was and remain in no doubt about what a Fimbrial cyst is!

The rest of the appointment went without further hilarity …. and having had 2 internal ultra sound's, I was advised that I indeed had a fimbril cyst, which will be reviewed again in 12 weeks. Having  been assured that there is  no need for concern, I'm pleased to say this matter is now resolved for me!

From 'Gollum' to Glamour!!

Wowzer!….. What an amazing , feel good day I had as a 'super model' !! lol!

The MIL (me - mother in Law) and The DIL (Becky -daughter in Law) travelled to London the evening before the photo shoot (5th April 2014) and after  some 'blister' drama (sorry DIL) , a lovely meal  and cocktails at Jamie's Italian we were well prepared for the day ahead of us!

To be honest, I was a little nervous about the whole thing… wondering whether I was what LGFB was looking for, for their campaign to promote their 20th Year… but very excited to be taking part!

Any anxiety  I had vanished when  we arrived at  'Josh Van Gelder's  Old school Studio' in Stepney Green, where we received such a warm welcome from  everyone!

The studio was set on the top floor of a classic victorian school and you just couldn't  help but get taken in by the charm, style and charter of the building!…The set up is a far cry from my usual world so , I was keen to absorb all I could and grateful to DIL who was able to capture some great pics!

All the professionals involved, are leading professionals in their field and had given their time and skills free of charge for the LGFB campaign.Their passion and energy for the project and their role in it, was so infectious and it created an amazing atmosphere from start to finish!

The LGFB and creative Team

My fellow 'Super Models'  were the lovely Ellie, Kreena and Maria…. When I first arrived at the studio and met 19 year old Ellie, I though she had already gone through styling and make up… but no , I learnt that she was just that gorgeous and stylish anyway….

Kreena, Maria and Suzanne (unfortunately Ellie was being interviewed)

We learnt more details about the campaign from the energetic and gorgeous creative team; and originally the campaign was only going to feature 3 of the 4 models, however  that changed as the day progressed and all 4 of us will now feature in their main campaign picture! Yay!

Pip Edwards, Stylist brought along a range of clothes and accessories and initially guide me to a pastel blue dress and a bright chunky necklace, however the photographer wanted me in white, so I wore a white top with a bright necklace, my own jeans and shoes. 

To be perfectly honest, I would never have picked that kind of top to buy myself, however when I saw the photos, it was just perfect and I probably need to be a little more open to try new styles of clothes in future!

Next was my 'hair'….I took along 'Vivian' and 'Kiara Beau' to he shoot, however they didn't make it into the shoot…! It seems synthetic wigs are not best on camera…. and I got to wear a real hair wig!!.. in fact the wig was brought especially for he photo shoot and it was styled especially for me by the talented and charismatic Bjorn! I felt a little coy with the fuss/attention and Bjorn was just great in guiding me into a choice of style!

Bjorn at work!

I found it entertaining that Bjorn just snipped a guide marker for my fringe and length of the hair and  then took it off me to work on it whilst I had my make up done! But apparently I was receiving the full VIP treatment… lol… it seems this happens in the celebrity world…The ladies we all see on our screens apparently wear three quarter wigs, to save time in styling and preserve condition of their own hair! So next time you see watch X factor , forget hair envy... think of the talent behind that style!

So, my make up….!! I was really looking forward to this part. I had 'googled' Caroline Barnes, make up artist, before the shoot and I STILL can't believe I how lucky I was to have had my make up done by such an incredibly talented and successful make up artist.

https://www.urbanretreat.co.uk/beautique/learn/We_Love_Sundays/Caroline_Barnes.aspx

Caroline and Bjorn working on my look at the same time!

I had been loosing more and more eye lashes and my eye brows had been thinning , so I was excited to see what Caroline was going to do with my eyes! Caroline immediately set me at ease and 'feel good' conversations just flowed. I received a lot of flattery at make up….ha ha!…especially about my cheek bones and whilst I have always seen my self as having 'skeletor' features, (especially since loosing my hair),  Caroline excitedly accentuated them even more!  

skeletor1

Caroline chatted about her experiences of working with Kylie Minogue through her cancer recovery and spoke about how she loves to meet interesting 'real' people , which was her motive for getting involved with LGFB. 

Caroline went on to complete her magic on me and I just didn't recognise myself….. My eyes my cheekbones were just brought to life despite the effects of chemo!

After a bite to eat it was my turn to be photographed….. and how do I begin to describe Josh Van Gelder!!! Apart from being at the top of his game … he is absolutely hillllarious…….. he even posed for pictures wearing some of my 'cabbage patch wigs' and decided in a group photo to wear a long blonde wig and pose !

I had initially felt a tad intimidated , after all we were 'just normal gals'  not the models he is used to…. but Josh had this innate ability to put you at ease and get the best out of you ….!! Josh was pleased that I had watched  'America's next top model' (ANTM) and he joked 'Tyra Style' throughout my shoot!  

As Josh was taking the 'beauty shot's , there was team looking at the images around a laptop and identifying the good one's ….  I was able to see the images as they were being done and they were just great … hard to believe it was me staring back !!

Through the shoot, Bjorn was on hand to blow air at me with a hair drier and sorting my hair when it fell out of place . Pippa was also on board to sort out any wardrobe issues, as was Caroline to top up my lip gloss!! It really was like ANTM! ha ha!

The first images went like a dream and I felt very proud to receive a round of a applause at the end of that section. It wasn't until a prop was introduced that the hard work began !!… My Prop was  a blusher brush and I had to model using it!! Easier said than done, I'll have you know … but we got the shot!! 

Maria and Kreena , had already been photographed and the team around the lap top were using software to 'cut and paste' our individual photos into one image  … Ellies' image was later added …..It was so exciting seeing that taking shape!…We were also photographed as a group and had an opportunity to mix it up!

Josh , Suzanne, Kreena and Maria

Throughout the day, there was a  'behind the scenes' film being shot too and we were each interviewed . I think this will be put on the LGFB website so keep a look out from June! The campaign it self is launched in June and It seems that it will be featured on a prominent bill board in the Uk and magazines.  As soon as I know more details, I will be sure tol let you know where and exactly where!!

Just as I thought I was living the dream and things couldn't get better , Bjorn announces that  SarahJane (SJ) executive director , for LGFB  was letting me keep the sensational  wig I had been wearing all day!!!  My eyes pricked with tears of utter joy and gratitude ! I could even see my DIL whelling up !! Vivian and Kiara Beau have a new companion and Instantly I had the new name for my new wig… Bjorn!! just fits doesn't it !!

Thank you SarahJane 

Bjorn and some happy ladies with their new wigs!

So there you have it …..I woke that morning looking like 'Gollum' from Lord of the Rings and ended the day as a 'Super model thanks to the combined efforts of everyone involved.

It was all quite overwhelming, Such a feel good experience…It wasn't the physical transformation that had occurred that was the most dramatic for me … It was the emotional/psychological transformation. The whole process and positivity  just made me feel so 'fired up' and confident!…..Ironic really that since my diagnosis I have had such a surge of personal growth  and  it has taken cancer to make me 'feel' the most confident and beautiful I have ever felt!

That after all is what  LGFB is all about! 

Whilst on the LGFB subject, I just want to let you know that my brother, Julian is undertaking a hair dare to raise money for LGFB in my 'honour'…… the dare involves him letting me shave his hair off into a blue mohican Style. Julian will then debut the style at Leicester City's last game of the season vrs Doncaster Rovers on 3rd May!!  I personally won't be undertaking a hair dare at the next chemo round (saving my self for the last one) , so please support Julian if you can and help make a difference!  Here is the link to his Just Giving page …Remember every £1 helps !!

http://www.justgiving.com/Julian-Wright-Suzanne-Wright

'My Manky Boob'

'Manky Boob' describes perfectly what I found when my dressings were changed by the district nurses for the first time on the 27th March!

You may recall 'Manky' was the post operative word used by Mr Dawson to describe the  infection in my boob, so I felt it apt that I should claim the word for this!

My 'Manky Boob' as I will affectionately call it , wasn't the most pleasant thing I have seen in my life. I didn't recognise it at all as being part of my body and scenes from 'embarrassing bodies sprang to mind!

I was left with a blue coloured drain poking out of the swollen wound and dressings to catch fluid. District nurses came to my house daily to change the dressings until the check up/review on Monday 31st March.

I don't necessarily feel any less of a woman as a result  of the procedure,  a feeling commonly described by women, but clearly things are  different and it's something I'm getting used to.  Steve has said very little and he is keen to avoid seeing my wounds. His silence is understandable, but never the less it is that, that has been more difficult for me than actually having a 'manky boob'!

My biggest lament is about my cleavage .. how I miss my cleavage!  It really doesn't help that I have the groshong line positioned right in the cleavage area. Finding bra's and tops that make me feel like …well…. ME….AND then do not expose the flaws has become more complicated.

I was given a temporary prothesis at the appointment on Monday, by Annie the breast care nurse and this has helped shape my bras and tops nicely, so from the outside world you just wouldn't know!

Temp prothesis!

In search of a 'nude' coloured bra (for the photo shoot) I went to Bravissimo in Milton Keynes , and whilst they did not do specific post mastectomy bras'  they were falling over themselves to help and I came away with a perfectly fitting silky nude bra! They also gave me details of a company that sew in pockets for prothesis. I don't think bra shopping will ever be the same! When my wound settles , I will be fitted with a 'permanent' prothesis…which I'm advised sit more 'naturally' into the cup and  I will use this until my reconstruction.

So…. Sue my MIL,  came with me to the check up on Monday with Mr Dawson.  After the usual wait the appointment didn't last very long. Mr Dawson was happy with how the wound was healing, and he left me with doctors orders to "keep Smiling"!

Sue was with me throughout the examination and I'm not sure what compelled her to come over to me and tenderly kiss me on the forehead, but it propelled a wave of child like comfort through me, and injected in me a little dose of much appreciated confidence.

Well….I have a 'perfect boob', I had a 'poorly boob' and now a 'manky boob'… in time I will have new boobs and so I continue with this metamorphosis and look forward to seeing the result!

A Guiding light!

As I navigate my way through this phase of my life, I'm aware that I am not the first or last to be sacrificed with the burden of breast cancer. My 'compass' and my 'guiding lights' shine bright in the form of other amazing ladies that I know who have either come out the other end or who are enduring this journey with me !

There is this sense of solidarity and strength that comes from being in this ..err .. 'Club' !! Not a club that I would for rush for membership, but never the less it is a 'club ' that I have been made a fully fledged member of. There are no rules other than to survive and make the best of it whilst you can !! ... The rest is up to the individual , everyone's cancer story is different and there is no right or wrong way to go about things...it's the 'guiding lights' that you choose follow that can set the example and show you that it's all doable ! 

I have a number of guiding lights, but this blog post is dedicated to Claire Friend, a friend from my social work world. Her story is of course hers to tell , but take it from me she is pretty amazing. 

Claire recently posted the extract below on Facebook..... I look forward to the day that I write my own 'cancerversary' words and hope that I may inspire others like Claire has done for me!


"So today three years ago I heard the words everyone dreads...." You have cancer" Three years ago my life changed forever, and I can honestly say it has been for the better. Three years ago today I found inner strength and bloody mindedness that I never knew existed. I was given a test that would help me learn grow, develop and change in so many ways. Three years ago I found out who were our true true friends ( u know who u are) and had it confirmed how awesome my family were! Three years ago today I realised that being a mum/parents was more important than any stupid illness! Three years ago I decided that life was too short to EVER do things that made me unhappy and to enjoy the simple pleasures in life. Three years ago today I was reminded how our health is the most important thing in life along with family and time. Three years ago today I promised myself to never be negative about anything and to forgive and forget the small things. Three years ago today I decided to not worry, care or spend previous time wondering whether people like me, or whether they don't. I decided to surround myself with wonderful, positive and quirky people!
Three ago today I saw how amazing and strong my hubby was and what a great choice I made when marrying him! Three years ago my hubby did so much more than most, as a first time father and made my pain so much easier and kept me laughing! Three years ago today I entered a journey that has made me laugh at myself and at the sheer lunacy of what some people consider important, cringe at my complete loss of dignity and cry with those closest to me about actually being quite scared and learn to never take for granted my hair!! ( and realise it's just hair and grows back!) Three years ago today I was diagnosed with cancer....... Well thank you because I'm better because of this journey and I'm sooooooo excited about every single day from here on in!!!"